Comments Of The Week

I used to be a little lax about getting Comments of the Week posted every week, but now that there are t-shirts on the line (BUY YOURS HERE!) I know I can’t do that. So let’s get to it. I’m saving the winner for last this week just to make this all suspenseful and junk. Let no man ever say I’m not great with structure.

Points for aptly-named commenter account as well as comment in Nic Cage does some awesome Nic Cage acting in this new Dying of the Light clip:

Nic Cages T Rex Skull: Do not act gentle in that good Light. Cage, Cage acts in the Dying of the Light.

Dylan Thomas’s poor poem was killed for Interstellar and a WWE commercial, and now it is being resurrected for movie blog wordplay. I approve.

Others had fun with “Guardians of Peace,” who took credit for hacking Sony.

silance: “We continue till our request be met.”

It’s obviously Jamaican Precious. Next she gwon teev all dee hi-phones.

“Ya bumbaclot rude boys gwon reboot Cool Runnings come hell or high watah!”

Verbal Kunt: You’d think this group would want to avoid confusion with that other GOP, but I guess the Guardians of Peace’s superior grammar and syntax combined with a clearly defined moral stance will clear things up.

Guys, not all the jokes have to be Frotcast references, but I can’t deny that they please me. On that note, I don’t expect many to get this reference to Plesse Perkins, fictional victim of a fictional tragedy that occurred at a Bass Pro Shops, as told during a Frotcast prank call, but I have to give Silance his or her props for it. From the dueling Robin Hood reboots:

silance: Yes, archery is indeed a wonderful activity for our young people to pursue, but we must ensure they always keep a safety-first mindset.

Let us never forget poor, poor Plesse Perkins and the tragic koi-induced accident that took her from us far too soon.

God bless ya, Plesse Perkins. If only those koi had attained their advertised jumping height, perhaps you would not have been run through with a tactical hunting arrow.

Damn you to hell, Richard. There will forever be blood in the pond of your treacherous koi!

Silance: This is the time of year when our thoughts wander back to young Plesse, it being so close to the annual Plesse Perkins Memorial Turkey Shoot. Lord bless her congenitally-enlarged heart, though it did make pretty much her whole torso a bulls-eye, tragically.

We held out hope that her admittedly husky and slow-witted nature might allow her to pull through. Her size allowing her to lose much more blood than a normal child, and her brain’s limited requirement for oxygen, we hoped afforded her a fighting chance. Alas her injuries proved too grave, and her sweet, simple soul waddled up to heaven.

That might’ve been this week’s most creatively constructed joke comment. It’s just a shame that it’s so, so, insanely ridiculously esoteric.

From the Sony leak reveals Kevin Federline’s $5,000 salary for his cameo in The Interview:

Hobo Spices: I guess they figured rather than flush $5,000 down the toilet just give it to the guy cleaning them.

/K-Fed walks up to bank teller
[Bank teller stares at his check in disbelief]
“Da prestige!!!!!!!!!!! Yo!”
[K-Fed goes and buys $5,000 in weed and beef jerky]

From Marky Mark seeks pardon for blinding that Vietnamese guy:

Buttockus Finch, Esq.: “Black n*ggers”? “Slant-eyed gooks”? If he’s guilty of anything, it’s redundancy. And assault/battery. And racism. And Entourage.

Stinky Pete: He tried to show true compassion, he wanted to poke out the guy’s other eye right before “The Happening.”

And last but not least, the winner, from Jason Statham’s new trailer with Sofia Vergara. This one needs the gif to explain it:

Buttockus Finch, Esq.: The “I thought it would be frio so I wore a yacket and a sweater but it is calor so I take off the yacket” subplot intrigues me.

Clearly, I enjoy comments delivered in satirically exaggerated ethnic accents. Send me your address and collect your shirt, Buttockus. As for the rest of you, nominate for next week in the comments section below. Also, there was a pretty solid fan fiction that ends in my death written by Burnsyfan in last week’s thread, so feel free free to read that if so inclined.