FilmDrunk

Comments of the Week: August 1 – 7

I don’t have a prize for the winner this week, so you’ll have to be settle for earning the respect of your peers for a d*ck joke well told (though I do have some porn DVDs from Digital Playground. Inquire within.).

Once again, a refresher on how this works for the newbies (it’s surprisingly complicated!). To nominate a comment for next Sunday/Monday’s Comments of the Week, copy and paste your favorite comments in the comments section below. Bookmark this post if you need to, or else you can always find it at the bottom of Morning Links. Got it? Good.

Now that the table’s set, let’s have some dinner, and by that I mean choose a winner. Sinner? (Sorry). Anyway, I thought Dean Machine took it with this comment in the First Pictures of Superman’s Suit:

Dean Machine says: “I’m not going to wear underwear on the outside of my suit, that’s gay. But I am going to put a giant ‘S’ on the chest. ‘S’ for ‘Super.’”

Nicely understated, I thought. Check out the honorable mentions after the jump.

Same thread, same commenter (responding to my comment that the Superman suit looks like something you might see at the Puerto Rican Day Parade):

“Mira, it makes me look like a maricón, pero no sabes, thee rubber in thee soot ees for protection homes, it stops eses from knifing me weeth kryptonite.”

Meanwhile, Dean only narrowly beat out last week’s winner, Chareth Cutestory, for his inspired Dolphin Stand-Up Comedy stylings in the Brawl at a Russian Dolphin Pool post:

Chareth Cutestory:
“Ugh, I need this like I need a hole in the head.” – Dolph Fin, Aquatic Comic
“Dolphin net? More like Dolphin nyet.”
*taps mic with flipper*
*clears blowhole awkwardly, looks down at notepad*
“Oh, man. I’m dying up here. Literally.”
“You guys ever notice how manatees float like this, and black seals float like th-
“You suck!”
“Throw me a fish here, buddy. I’m doing the best I can. I’m not here to jump through hoops for you people.”
“Yes you are!”
“Man, f*ck this. I’m out.”
*drops mic, slowly struggles to slide off stage*

Same post:

Jessolido says: Oh Russian Make-a-Wish Foundation, is there any vodka-fueled dream you WON’T make a reality?

Elsewhere, FalseRumorsDotCom had an insightful critique of the indie rom-dram in the Like Crazy trailer:

FalseRumorsDotCom says: NO ONE’S RELATIONSHIP IS THIS SERIOUS AND BROODING! BE TOGETHER OR DON’T! I’VE NEVER HAD TO TAKE A SAD SHOWER WITH MY BOYFRIEND BECAUSE THINGS WERE TOUGH! JENNIFER LAWRENCE IS HOT! BE WITH HER IF SHE’S MORE ACCESSIBLE AND EASIER TO UNDERSTAND!

Wait, FalseRumors is a girl? The girls are starting to outnumber the boys around here. Jeez, I thought this was a movie blog.

In other news, a Texas Theater-Goer Acted Like a Huge Vagina, and you had plenty to say about that.

Jessolido says: Steven Seagal taught Godwin-kun every finger-tap/neck-knot move in her repertoire, though the location and timeframe of this training is still under review.

Nice Seagal callback. I’m… not even going to attempt to explain all the references there.

Garipeto says: No, no.. while I’m distracting you by calling you a throbbing vagina to your face, my grandmother will sneak up behind you and tap you on the shoulder.

Stallonewolf says: “I held it against my chest purposely where I could barely see it…due to my pectoral muscles, which are still pretty jacked from my football days,” Fout said, dropping to the floor to do two and a half unrequested push-ups before collapsing in a sweaty heap.

Not much sympathy for Dale Fout in the comments, no surprise there. His name even made its way into a post about Total Recall:

Otto Man says: When Dale Fout saw the three-titted hooker in the original, he sued the producers for whiplash.

Boom. Speaking of lady drunkards, here’s Michelle07 in the Matt Damon Loves Teachers thread:

Michelle07 says: That Matt Damon is wicked smaht, I’d like to polish his apples if you know what I mean.
I mean I’m really into sustainable fair practice farming ya fackin queahs.

And speaking of chewing out reporters and Russians, Mila Kunis had a piece of her mind to give to the Russians.

ChinoMoreno says: I liked her better when she was chewing out Natalie Portman.

Me too, Chino, me too. Spazmodic made the obvious joke in my Planet of the Apes review, but he did it with flair.

spazmodic says: In the sequel, will the monkeys be running the Serkis?
BRAAAHHHHHHH – *cough* – AAAAAHHHMMMM!

From Oprah is Getting An Honorary Oscar:

Chareth Cutestory says: 
If she wanted a little sexless trophy that badly, why didn’t she just summon Steadman from the pool house?

BOOM. And finally, from Roland Emmerich’s Shakespeare movie has wordsplosions, real ‘splosions:

Stallonewolf says: OOOOWAH-AH-AH-AHlas, poor Yorick…

Well done.  So bring your A-games again this week, Drunkards. Actually, just bring any game. Mostly I just like knowing I’m not peeing into the wind here. DRUNK ON.

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