Comments of the Week is back, and I’m giving away FilmDrunk shirts (BUY YOURS HERE) to each week’s winner. We don’t have an upvoting function yet, so in the meantime, you’ll have to bookmark this post and paste your favorite comments in the comments section from which I’ll choose each week’s winner. Got it? Good.
You know, most websites, if you brave the comments section, you’ll only be metaphorically pissing into an existential void, exposing yourself to dangerous levels of asininity and trolldom. But here on FilmDrunk, lots of times there are puns. And sometimes you win a t-shirt. Neat stuff, gang. Neat, neat stuff.
Okay, you know the drill. I start with the honorable mentions and work up to the winner. From James Franco interviews Gay James Franco who is also James Franco:
BiffBiffington: James Franco James Francoed James Franco so hard he James Francoed all over James Franco.
Lou N Davis: Is this from the scene in Being James Franco where James Franco goes through the portal into James Franco’s mind and sees a bunch of people with James Franco’s face and has sex with all of them?
Verbal Kunt: Hey Franco, think fast!
*Throws dildo out of a moving car into Franco’s nose*
I love those threads where the last comment makes it all worth it. Same post:
Talking Can of Vegetables: “I like to think that I’m gay in my art and straight in my life.”
So basically, I want a lady in the streets and a big throbbing dick in the call sheets?
From This Week In Posters:
Al: “Horses – Their Journey Will Move You”.
Well, I should hope the f*ck so. Otherwise I’ll just take my car next time.
Stallonewolf: “I hope this actor doesn’t get typecast as ‘sad baby’ his whole career.”
Alas, I think that ship has sailed for Mr. Penn.
Al: Whining about your right to freedom of speech being violated because someone edited your meaningless movie and comparing a studio to terrorists when, in some countries, you will be put to death for criticizing your government, makes me want to go live under a rock in the dark on the moon forever.
OhMyBalls: Al, don’t you already live in Canada?
Boy, she really set that one up on a tee, didn’t she. Subsequent comments building on previous comments and making them way better is definitely a theme this week. And on to our first runner up, BurnsyFan66, a sort of Burnsy-lauding funhouse mirror reflection of our frat guy shtick. It came from Ten Ways To Fix Divergent, but context sort of cheapens it.
Burnsy Fan 66: Does she smell like a gerbil cage? Maybe.
Do her kisses taste like elmers glue? Probably.
Does she have a bush so big I gotta stick a wad of Bazooka Joe in it just to force her to cut it? Mos def.
BUT… she is obviously down for whatever. So if I tell her my butt is full of natural antioxidants, you know she going to salad town.
Like the old saying, “She’s a hippie in tha streets, but a freak in tha sheets!”
RIP, Spinach. RIP Blowjob Stacey.
JTRO: Also how in the F*CK do you hack a door on an airplane? That’s not how airplanes work, it’s not how computers work, it’s NOT HOW DOORS WORK.
Buttockus Finch, Esq.: The only person I want to see hacking a door is Jack Nicholson.
And finally, we come to our winner. I don’t mean to justify jokes referencing domestic violence, but folks, this is just good wordplay. From The Gunman As Described By Critics:
SteffenPeffen: “A riled-up Penn thrashes an aging motherly type with a fist to her skull. She doesn’t die right away.” – This part is actually pulled from an article about his relationship with Madonna.
Yep. Send me your address and shirt size, Mr./Ms. Peffen.