Comments of the Week: Dog Soldier Edition

A wise man once told me “comedy is a conversation,” and while on YouTube and a lot of sites on the interwebs, the user-driven half of that conversation is usually “fist”, racial slurs, and misspelled political arguments, on FilmDrunk it’s often just as funny and insightful as the smack I’m laying down on the reg. Case in point, this banner image a reader sent me. God damn, it makes me so proud to be an American, that we have adorable-yet-responsible dogs, fighting for our freedom to dress our dogs in shirts from film blogs like that. If I can figure out how to translate this dog wearing a shirt with a dog on it into a one or two-color illustration, I might make it the new shirt design. And then instead of FilmDrunk, it will just say “BRAAAAAAHMMM.”

But before we get to the winners, a couple weirdos, which are always entertaining. From Let’s all listen to Tom Cruise sing Bon Jovi and Journey:

Nick G.: I’m getting the idea that this site sucks cuz it attracts all the above douchebags shitting all over Tom.

I’m starting to wonder if Scientology Centers have this big room filled with people Googling Tom Cruise’s name and defending him on message boards, because I swear, every time we talk about Tom Cruise, someone wanders in from Google, horrified about it.

From a 2009 post about Heather Graham not wearing a bra:

jimbo: Id eat it untill she asked to stop and give her all 8 of me . I hope she sees this.

That is just great. There was also a really weird one from someone quasi-in character as Hillary Duff, but it’s way too long for me to reproduce here.

And now for your winner. I finished my post about Andrew Dice Clay starring in a Woody Allen movie with a reference to a “Woody Allen Dice Clay” character, but I think Stinky Pete brought it to a whole new level:

Stinky Pete : “So in this scene, me an’ Gertrude Stein, we go see this Hemingway guy, and he gives us a book annnnn… I dunno, she kinda likes it, I think it’s okay, then we laugh a little and I f*ck Gertrude Stein in the mouth.”

Pitch perfect Woody Allen Dice Clay. For your honorable mentions:

From Michelle Rodriguez says dumb things about the Oscars:

The Hammer: That’s a dyke I’d like to plug.

Sometimes those blunt dumb comments are just what the doctor ordered.

From Dominic Monaghan says Matthew Fox hob-beats women:

Stallonewolf: Welcome to the Party of Five! Fingers! (*backhands woman*)

GutsAndTalent: My Hob-beats include wine-tasting, whore slapping, and general meandering while writers make shit up for five seasons.

From Teacher asks student “did you see Bridesmaids?” before slapping her repeatedly:

Patty Boots: But did she tell her where the nukes are?

From Andrew Dice Clay/Woody Allen:

Moose: Andrew Dice Clay looks like Jon Stewart on an all-pizza diet.

And finally, I always love these, the groups of comments that might not be perfect stand-alone one-liners, but become more than the sum of their parts.

From Last Week’s Guide to DVD and Streaming:

: Just think, there were hundreds upon hundreds of people involved in making a movie where a Nazi soldier is the protagonist, and nobody thought to stop it from happening.

Nic Cages T-Rex Skull
: Craft Services Guy: “I was just taking orders!”

From my Prometheus review:

BuddyFerrera: The Engineers probably invented crossfit with bodies like that.

Larry: They hate us because we got so chubby. “Our master design did not include the gunt!

Telefragged: srsly, god is real, and he’s f*cking jacked.

Yay! Well that concludes this week’s one-day late installment of comments of the week. Remember, if you feel like helping me spotlight the best comments, copy and paste them in the comments section below.