Comments of the Week & Hate Mail

Howdy, folks, it’s comments of the week time again. I apologize about the lack of weirdos and hate mail this week, especially compared to last week’s epic installment, but unpredictability sort of goes with the cyber-territory. The only hater I have worth sharing this week is Gabriele in my Cosmopolis review:

After watching “The Master” I have to say WTH did I just watch, the same was with Cosmopolis. I’ve read the Book now and I’m impressed how Cronenberg brought this to life. Pattinson did an amazing Job, him and Paul were playing that “chess Game ” at the end to find an answer to their miserable existence . Did they get it?
“As soon as Robert Pattinson opened his mouth I knew I was in for a long movie. Part of the problem is the source material”
I don’t see the connection between these two sentences, it it the source material or Pattinson opens his mouth. You continue criticizing Pattinson after you don’t know if this should be the way he has to act to portray the character. The scene with Paul was brilliant , they were up to par on this one. I lost respect for you right there because you sound bias. ( Oh God, Pattinson won Sexiest Man alive 4x in a Row, does that hurt) I’m glad that most of the critics understood the dynamic of the Story. The Prostate exam scene showed another brilliant performance. It’s not a Movie for mainstream but I’m convinced it will be set as an example in many Film school and take its place in the list of different and unforgettable.

Okay, so it’s mostly your standard you’re just jealousism, but I couldn’t resist the phrase “The Prostate exam scene showed another brilliant performance.” That alone was worth the price of admission.

As for your comments of the week winner, for me it’s between these two.

Jangles, in the Gina Carano to headline an all-female Expendables:

jangles: “It’s the time of the month… for revenge.”

And McNulty in the First trailer for The Lone Ranger thread:

McNulty: I call my cancer-riddled friend “Chemosabe.”

I mean if you can’t laugh at “cancer-riddled,” what can you laugh at?

Elsewhere, Liam Neeson stories, like the one about him swearing on Sportscenter, brought out the best in many.

Billybob: Liam Neeson trained Batman, killed Tim Roth, and punched Orlando Bloom in the face for being his son. He can say whatever the hell he wants.

Leapin_Lizards: He made me feel like a pussy for liking football!

Harlie: I’m partial to “Look Who’s Taken Too.”

Damn, that is a much better title. Meanwhile, Liam Neeson also punched a kid who pulled a knife on him:

Feklhr: Pull a knife on a jedi? That little baktag is lucky Neeson didn’t lightbatleth off his nards! FLIPENDO!

jangles: He’s the one that invited Jar Jar along. This child is a hero.

If you don’t enjoy the commenter with the Klingon schtick saying “lightbatleth,” I don’t even know why you’re here.

The Sherminator is a sushi waiter in Santa Monica:

Moose: He probably hears “Hey, I didn’t order gingered sushi!” at least twice a day.

Sam Bacile (aka Nakoula B. Nakoula) got arrested in LA:

Stinky Pete: I made this for you:

Len Wiseman is giving us the dark and gritty Mummy reboot we always wanted:

Karribiner: I’m looking forward to the inevitable time when Hollywood makes brighter, shinier reboots. Then we can all go see Mummy! with our children and sing along as the main characters realize the mummy just wants to be loved. We could do a double feature and see Memento, the heartwarming story of a man whose memory returns, but learns to let go of the past.

The Wachowski Siblings are now The Wachowski Starship, according to Andy:

RichMahogany: We built this clitty, we built this clitty from cock and balls…

Speckinzeedouche: We built these titties, we built these titties on es-tro-gen.

Shop 101: Not, we built this kitty, we built this kitty from cock and balls?

I’m going to have to give Speckinzee the edge on this one. It’s the most medically accurate.

John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John recorded a Christmas album (believe it or not, this was a story from this year):

MickTravis4Life: “Chest Rubs Mostly by an Open Fire…. Jack tosses nipples on your nose…”

Michigan State math professor strips naked during class:

Good Grief: Ol’ Dirty Math Tard.

I can’t help it, I love a good pun. In any case, thank you all once again for another entertaining week. If you were as awful as YouTube commenters or as obnoxious as Gawker commenters, I would’ve turned off comments long ago. Instead, you’re, dare I say it, an added value (most of the time). Imagine that. So keep doing what you do, internet boys and girls, and let’s keep proving Aaron Sorkin wrong.