This was our first week with the new commenting system. We’ve still got some upgrades to come with that, and at some point we may be able to decide our Comments of the Week winner through voting, but for now, we’re still stuck with the old method. Once again, the way that works is, you nominate your favorite comments throughout the week by copy and pasting them into the comments section below. You can always find the CoTW link on the sidebar to your right, or linked at the bottom of Morning Links.
Now then. I had to give Chareth Cutestory the nod this week for his comment in the post about the lady who sued Drive for not being enough like Fast and Furious. This is just an effective visual.
Chareth Cutestory says:
*smash cut to trial*
“Your Honor, please. Mr. Gosling should not be allowed to bring a kitten onto the witness stand.”
“…I’ll allow it.”
“But he even put a tiny little scorpion jacket on it!”
*bangs gavel*
“CASE DISMISSED.”
Meanwhile, showing what FilmDrunk is all about, Bubb Rubb gets the assist by creating the Photoshop:
Elsewhere, if I could award Comments of the Week to an entire thread, it would be Kirk Cameron’s birthday picture thread by a mile. This is just glorious:
Jessolido says: “Footlongs are for closers, Belinda!”
Larry says: His sister wives aren’t much to look at, but goddammit, when Kirk says sammich, he gets sammich.
Morton Salt says: If he were any f*cking good at this he would’ve only needed two footlongs, tops. Maybe a few fish.
ChinoMoreno says: He’s partaking in the Eucharist. Subway: Eat Flesh.
Larry
“Would you like a beverage with that, sir?”
“Mountain Dew. I want my unction EXTREME.”
“Got it. For your sandwiches, should we toast the host?”
SimonPhoenixAZ says: Give us this day our daily bread…. foot long whole wheat bread. And women must wait for the man to eat first. It’s in the bible, Belinda, don’t give me that look.
GenePoolParty says: I heard banana peppers are proof of intelligent design.
Paultera says: Susan! I said no more phallic foods in the office unless it was designed by God and disproves evolution. God doesn’t want your evil homosexual shapes tempting me. Not again. Get in the corner with the trash.
Oh, there’s Belinda with the cake. Thank you, Belinda. See, Susan? Belinda understands the importance of heterosexual foodstuffs. Now, I’ll just blow these flaming- GOD DAMN IT, BELINDA!
That entire thing was just delightful. I wish I’d used that for our caption contest. Meanwhile, I didn’t notice when I wrote the initial post, but Kirk Cameron just turned 42, and there were 42 inches of sandwich on that table. I don’t know if that’s just coincidence, or the DORKIEST EVENT IN HUMAN HISTORY.
I’m not sure what the context for this next one, but I’m not sure it matters.
Morton Salt says: Racial stereotypes aside, I’ve often wondered whether or not Seal is a good swimmer.
I cried tears of joy.
From This NY Post cover really says it all:
Larry says: A Wall Street Dance Off would be cooler. Step Up to the Street indeed.
From the new Rum Diary poster — hey, hipsters, stop trying to make high waists happen.
Dingus says: I prefer the term “gunt wraps”, thank you very much.
From Real-life superhero arrested for breaking up a Juggalo fight:
Stinky Pete:
Although Fodor “has been advised to observe and report incidents to 911, he continues to try and resolve things on his own.”
F*cking dragnets, how do they work?
From Javier Bardem is your new Bond villain:
Jessolido says: “Do you expect me to talk?”
“No, Meester Bund. I esspeck jou to DIE!”
“…what?”
From Saddam look-alike victim of failed kidnapping to make porn.
Larry says: Uday and Qusay Clobber That Pusay.
PIGPEEN says: The Kurd Burglar
From Gina Carano goes Jason Statham all over your ass in Haywire.
Jon_k says: I’m REALLY hoping that Carano’s character is named “Jessica Haywire” to really drive home the B-movie status.
From Boxing duchess holds MMA fights at the Harry Potter castle:
Farthammer says:
Private: “Sir! We have tried everything – mortar fire, guns, grenades…we can’t take Alnwick Castle!”General: “They’re British MMA-folks. Just try some wrestling and we’ll have that castle stormed in two seconds.”
A good MMA joke is rare, and that one was solid.
Anyway, thanks again for playing along for another week, everyone. You make-a papa smile.