Comments Of The Week: The Entourage Defense Force Attacks

Senior Editor
06.23.15 39 Comments
Kevin Connolly, Doug Ellin, and Adrien Grenier at the premiere party for Jeremy Piven's hat.

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Kevin Connolly, Doug Ellin and Adrien Grenier at the premiere party for Jeremy Piven's hat.

Comments of the Week is back, and I’m giving away FilmDrunk shirts (BUY YOURS HERE) to each week’s winner. We don’t have an upvoting function yet, so in the meantime, you’ll have to bookmark this post and paste your favorite comments in the comments section, from which I’ll choose each week’s winner. Got it? Good.

OK, look, we both know that it’s been a few weeks since I did a Comments Of The Week post. It’s just that the real Kevin Smith showed up in one of Chareth’s joke posts about him, and then the Entourage Defense Brigade turned out in force in my Entourage review. And that was before I became the first to ruin Inside Out’s 100 percent rating. I was overwhelmed. I am sorry. I realize that’s no excuse. I will do my best to recap it all, choose a winner, and reset the Comments Of The Week Clock.

Let’s begin with the Entourage defense crew (in the Entourage review), who are always entertaining.

Sometimes:
So a guy that didn’t like the show, does not like the movie. I would guess that a reviewer that did like the show, would also like the movie. See how that works?

Owls_for_Hire [in reply to above]:
Yeah, it’s like people who liked Dukes of Hazard or The A Team TV shows when they were younger absolutely loved the films. If you like the original source then it’s a definite you would love any other version of it.

Both of those guys were entirely serious. Wrap your mind around that for a second. And don’t worry, there’s more where that came from. There was also the post about the Entourage poster stuck in the Indian restaurant:

DylanHilgeford:
If only you knew enough about Entourage to intellegently bash it your articles might be worth reading. Same cheap shots every article. Entourage isn’t a show to serve as a metaphor/summary of all the bullies and insults you’ve clearly experienced throughout your life. Nor is it there to shine light on your failures in life and obvious jealousy of the lives of four dudes on film. Its fiction. You’re a hack beating up on a harmless show with no credentials or understanding to do so. I’m glad this movies given you 10+ articles to voice and insert blame for your inner shortcomings onto a fictional shoulder..but you’ve made me strongly dislike you. If I was to encounter you in person I would barrade you and jump on the bully bandwagon because you clearly couldnt suck anymore if you tried.

LEAVE MY IMAGINARY FRIENDS ALONE! Also, “you’ve made me strongly dislike you” is my new favorite tastefully understated insult.

Oh, also, I left out my favorite part of that comment:

Indian food sucks. Moron.

Hard to argue with that logic. Later on, I inherited the wind in my Inside Out review. Lots of hate to go around in there, but “zachattack” is the only one worth knowing:

ZachAttack:
Disagree best Pixar film in years im only 12 years old and i hate cars one and two up toy story and Inside out are great you suck at reviewing you made inside out 99 percent

ZachAttack:
you broke the 100 % you should never use rotten tomatoes use a different website

ZachAttack:
what movie did you just review Because for it being a rotten movie in your opinion and it is not a happy madison film you must really hate kid movies

The lack of punctuation really ties the bit together. Later on, he inadvertently sided with Gary From Fremont (that’s a long story that’s not really worth explaining).

dax montana:
My nam eis Gary Johnson. I saw this last week wiht my step-daughter at the Fremont Googleplex and clearly Mr. Vince WO-Mancini is just trying to get our goats.I bleive Inside Out is the finest exploration of childhood wonder and whimsy since Precious . IT deserves a 100% and I will not rest until this review is flagged and removed from all Facebook links henceforth.

ZachAttack:
Agreed Perfect film for adults and children

“The finest exploration of childhood wonder and whimsy since Precious.” In any case, haters aside, the clever folks vastly outnumbered the whiners, snoots, and nitpickers, which is one of the most unique things about FilmDrunk. Also, you guys are really good at mean Kevin Dillon jokes.

Stallonewolf:
Kevin Dillon looks like Matt Dillon’s death mask.

Talking Can of Vegetables:
What was Johnny Drama’s Johnny Walker commercial like? Was it just a testimonial?

“I love Johnny Walker because I’ve been drinking it since I was in my mother’s womb.”

See also: Doug Ellin jokes.

Chareth Cutestory:
Doug Ellin once mispronounced the word “turnt” during a conversation with a person he thought was Kendrick Lamar.

Chareth Cutestory:
Doug Ellin looks like someone who repeatedly uses the phrase “my good friend Leonardo DiCaprio” during child custody hearings. No offense.

Chareth Cutestory:
Doug Ellin said “bro, remember Harriet Tubman?” to Ice Cube during an uncomfortable silence in an elevator.

Talking Can of Vegetables:
Doug Ellin wouldn’t even be the Turtle of Turtle’s Entourage.

Incredible Tulku:
Doug Ellin’s fanny pack contains sunscreen, Juicy Fruit, a library card, 3 grams of coke, a roll of $20’s with a $100 bill on the outside, and a picture of his mom.

The Jersey Devil:
Doug Ellin is a huge Mumford & Sons fan, but only the early stuff.

Chareth Cutestory:
Doug Ellin’s driver’s license photo is him giving finger guns from Tiesto’s DJ booth.

Chareth Cutestory:
Doug Ellin dumped all of his Tesla stock when Elon Musk made fun of his Sketchers.

Stallonewolf:
Doug Ellin has a picture of Tom Cruise in Magnolia taped to his bathroom mirror.

Buttockus Finch, Esq.:
“Doug Ellin” are the last two words Tom Brady sees on his iPhone screen before he quickly puts it back in his pocket.

Buttockus Finch, Esq.:
Doug Ellin still hasn’t thought of a first name for Mrs. Ari.

*Slow Clap* If only the Entourage movie had done better, this #DougEllinFacts hashtag might have some legs.

From the same thread:

Stallonewolf:
Grenier, an active environmentalist, is working on his own movie about an elusive whale…

“Call me Douche Male.”

From the Indian restaurant thread:

Talking Can of Vegetables:
Should’ve just went with it and renamed the restaurant Naan-tourage.

On balance, I think I have to award this week’s COMMENTS OF THE WEEK WINNER to Talking Can of Vegetables. He/she was everywhere.

In the Adam Sandler movie wardrobe note:

Talking Can of Vegetables:
“Please make sure to read the attached script before coming in…”

They’re already asking more of them than they do of the Happy Madison guys.

In Reese Witherspoon movie pitches:

Talking Can of Vegetables:
She’s The Wurst – Southerner Daisy Baum (Reese Witherspoon) discovers that she’s inherited her long-lost grandfather’s Sausage Haus in Düsseldorf. But if she wants to keep the company, she’ll have to deal with overbearing waitress Helga (Rebel Wilson, who doesn’t attempt a German accent and nobody seems to care and has at least 50 jokes about handling sausage) and shady businessman Hans (Christoph Waltz) who wants the Sausage Haus for himself. But with her plucky spirit and Southern charm, Daisy is going to show the world that if you want to be the best, you’ve got to embrace your wurst!

Give the man (woman?) a round of applause. Can, send me your shirt size and if we have it in stock (we probably don’t), I’ll mail you your FilmDrunk shirt.

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