Comments Of The Week: We Missed You, Taylor Lautner

Senior Editor
12.22.14 27 Comments

Now that FilmDrunk shirts are back (BUY YOURS HERE!!11!1ONE!1!), comments of the week is must-read FilmDrunking once again. It also means I have to make some tough choices. It’s like a goddamned Sophie’s choice of vaguely racist dick puns for me every week. Before I choose a winner, let me just say that this week it was more about threads than individual comments, and I appreciate that. There’s no I in snark.

Some of my favorite threads this week included the Exodus: Gods And Kings casting commentary:

The Jersey Devil: When reached again for comment, Ridley Scott replied, “Why all the fuss about people of color? What is this, Malcolm Exodus?”

Patty Boots: I’d like to see his reaction if they’d cast an actual Jew as Moses. “OOOOOH, GOOD FOR JEWS.”

Captain Shimmer: LET MY PEOPLE GO, RHAMSES. YOU AND I ARE DONE, PROFESSIONALLY.

Verbal Kunt: I knew this movie was bullshit the second I saw that Joel Edgerton doesn’t even walk like an Egyptian.

As well as Taylor Lautner shredding the gnar in his unbelievable bike messenger/parkour movie:

Ragnarok: The twist ending? It was 2007 THE WHOLE TIME!!1

JohnnyAwesome: Shred the gnar? I barely even know har!

Sep: “Where’d you learn how to do parkour?”

“Yo Llama’s house.”

Otto Man: The working title of this was Basic Rush

Then Raptor Bacon started a cheesy tagline contest for Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Man on Wire that was quite pleasing:

Raptor Bacon: DISCOVER HOW ONE MAN TOUGHT THE WORLD HOW TO GO FROM POINT A TO POINT BELIEVE.

BurnsyFan66: The story of a man who could walk on air, until he fell… IN LOVE.

Raptor Bacon: The only thing separating his dreams from reality — was a thin line.

Verbal Kunt: Walk the Line: The Two Towers

kazoshay: Look Who’s Walking Now

Verbal Kunt: The Walketeer

Best damn thread I’ve seen in a long time. Brings a tear to my eye. Anyway, time to pick a winner. Since I’m pretty sure I’ve already given Verbal Kunt a shirt, and this comment was clearly near the top yet didn’t fit into a larger thread, Silance’s comment from the Guardians of Peace threat to unleash a new 9/11:

silance: An Asian 9/11 plot? It’s Marky Mark’s wet dream.

It might not have been the most laugh out loud, but I was more than a little impressed that he made that perfect connection. Email me and collect your shirt, silance.

And as always, if you want to be a FilmDrunk superfan, just bookmark this post and paste your favorite comments throughout the week to nominate for next week’s comments of the week.

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