Comments of the Week, with Vampire Fetuses

I must say, even in what is regularly the internet’s funniest comments section, this past week was a banner one in FilmDrunkardry. The explanation, once more for the noobs: we use the comments section of this post as a place to nominate your favorite comments throughout the week, from which I pick a winner every Sunday/Monday (you may want to bookmark it). I’m choosing blanks for a fresh batch of (IMPROVED) FilmDrunk shirts, so I should have shirts for the winners again in a few weeks. Okay, okay, enough foreplay, time to drop my panties.

I chose Michelle07 this week’s winner, because she’s always a refreshing glass of estrogen. From The Trailer for the Twilight Trailer:

Michelle07 says: My telepathic fetus needs to stop ordering more pitchers of margaritas!
*yells at fetus

That, and I just really enjoy the visual of her yelling at her unborn baby while she chugs margaritas. Now for the honorable mentions. First, the other Twilight comments:

ALLCAPSNOSPACEBAR says: “Your fetus isn’t compatible with you” should be the new Planned Parenthood slogan.

IAteYourCupcakes says: Jesus, what happened to Mike Dexter? He really should have listened to the fat kid from Stand By Me.

Bishop Luke Helick Deannus says: “YOU SAX ME TEH BABBY TOO HARD.” It’s like poetry.
But having vampires and sax just made me realize there was no cameo by the greasy sax man. Sad times.

Great point. Here you go, buddy:

Morton Salt says: I know they’re supposed to be in Brazil, but the Christ the Redeemer statue, really? At this point that statue has been associated with more insanely stupid sh*t than Jesus himself.

Political! Sort of!

From The World’s Saddest Goth Flash Mob:

Morton Salt says: I’m pretty sure I beat those goths up one time. I remember after I’d drop a few of them to the ground, a few more would come out of a doorway nearby and I’d repeat the whole process. It was easy because if I got tired I could beat up a trash can or a phone booth and a turkey would appear on the ground and I would eat it.

Was that a reference to… Double Dragon? I don’t know. To be honest, the only video game I play is whacking off.

In other news, A Dwarf Porn Actor Who Looked Liked Gordon Ramsay Was Eaten By Badgers last week. More on that story later. In the meantime, here are some jokes about it.

Ace Rimmer says: Erection, your onion! Stop badgering the midgets!

Oski says: Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger
Mushroom, Mushroom
Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger
Mushroom, Mushroom
Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger
Mushroom, Mushroom
Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger
Ahh, a Dwarf Corpse, Dwarf Corpse, Oh it’s a Dwarf Corpse
Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger…

That was like a contest for “Most Obscure Callback.” But wait! There’s more comments!

From The First Trailer for Cameron Crowe’s We Bought a Zoo:

Bub Rubb says: I like the scene where the gorilla does acid and gets sad, than all the other animals sing Tiny Dancer and cheer him up and it turns out the panda was gay the whole time and Kate Hudson’s tits are super small.

Speaking of Bub Rubb, when are we going to see that guy on Tosh? The universe demands it.

In other news, a Porn Company Built a Post-Apocalyptic Survival Bunker:

Mr. Zero says: Say what you will about the tenets of polytheistic bukkakecopalypse, at least it’s an ethos.

PHEW, I needed an excuse to use that BUKKAKECOPALYPSE tag again.

And as if there weren’t already enough Baby Goose-isms in my Review of Drive:

Assmode says: Hey girl, I just Drived in your arms tonight.

Then there was the Plot of Sarah Jessica Parker’s New Movie Recreated Using Scathing Reviews:

Crapbasket says: As a former single dad, who soloed a 2-9yo daughter worked full time, went to college part time (sure it was community, but who has the degree and no loan payments?), and cooked, cleaned, taught, played, paid, shopped, managed and dealt all the while fending off one screeching harpy c*nt after another who couldn’t understand why they weren’t my priority, and for every dad/husband out there who is stereotyped as a career focused shlub who couldn’t wipe his ass or make a sandwich if it weren’t for his super dooper wife I would like to say; f.u. just really, f.u.

The rare earnest CotW winner. I like that we have one of these every few weeks.

Then there was the requisite post about Gun Rape:

ChinoMoreno says: Does gun rape end in skeet shooting?

And finally, from my favorite poster of all time, for the movie where Morgan Freeman builds a robot dolphin tale for marine biologist Harry Connick Jr.:

Robert Down E. Syndrome Says: “Hey robotic flippa! Yer changin that dolffin’s laahf!”
*Stephen Hawking voice* “NO, HE IS CHANGIN MINE”

And because the poster is in German:

Stinky Peet says: “Nach der wunderbaren, ze liefenchangen dem delfin!”
“Nein! Dem delfin eez MEINliefenchangen!”

Aw, a fake German Blind Side parody AND a Stephen Hawking robot-voice Blind Side parody? You guys spoil me.