It’s time once again to shine a light into the darkest, dankest corners of FilmDrunk and showcase the best comments from the past week. We’ll start off with a meta-comment pointing out a typo on last week’s COTW post (not the last one I’ll make, of that you can be sure):
I’m not sure if it’s a typo in the first paragraph, but “Christina Mingle” sounds like she’s DTF.
What can I say, you know how they go.
This week we got our first look at the new LEGO movie, and with an all-star voice cast in place, getting porkythefirst to lay down his $12 should be a snap (I regret nothing):
If Liam Neeson punches out a bunch of Lego Wolves, I’m seeing this multiple times.
How can you pass up an opportunity like that?
Speaking of wolves and things we’d like to see punched in the face, a new trailer also dropped this week for The Wolf of Wall Street, featuring Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill and Jerry Lewis’ dentures. Uneasy watching Martin Scorsese glorify the story of “slimy dicklicker” Jordan Belfort? Vince and Mulatto Butts know just how you feel:
“The last thing we need is even more people who think it’s cool to be a worthless person who contributes nothing as long as he drives a fancy car.”
My exact inner monologue whenever I hear about a new Fast & Furious movie
On the occasion of his massive slate deal with Warner Brothers, The Hollywood Reporters treated us to a long brofile of Brett Ratner, where we learned that nary a drop of alcohol has ever passed his lips. Thanks to Burnsy for pointing out the obvious reason why:
“Why would I ever try a pudding shot when the alcohol takes up space that the pudding could go in?”
Meanwhile, Bryan Singer took to his Twitter to answer a fan question about how he’d cast The Usual Suspects if he were to make it today. FilmDrunkards know that you can’t just recast the film without updating the tagline, too:
five mexicans. one studio appartment. no greencard
This week also marked the debut of the James Toback’s (rhymes with “hack”) Seduced and Abandoned, which teaches us that even if your desperate pan-handling for development money to make a “Middle Eastern politerotica” film is (rightfully) unsuccessful, you can still parlay the story of your ineptitude into an HBO documentary. Just make sure you have your DVR set for the right channel:
Not be confused with Abused and Ugandan, the African political adventure inspired by the rise and fall of Idi Amin.
That’s a mighty strong contender, but your Comment of the Week comes from the sad tale of Nic Cage’s illicit Tyrannosaur skull, which the U.S. government now believes was smuggled into the country illegally (there’s a TSA agent at LAX with a lot of explaining to do) before being purchased by Cage at public auction. How fortunate were we that someone extremely close to the situation dropped by to give its side of the story:
Nic Cages T-Rex Skull
Who’s to say the skull was really Stolen after someone took the Face/Off the skeleton out of The Frozen Ground? Bringing Out the Dead from the Red Rock West (or East, I guess) and taking some sort of Con Air to the City of Angels is just a natural Adaptation of a fossil’s life. Knowing that The Rock in question could be Gone in 60 Seconds from Mr. Cage is The Kiss of Death to me. Those who are “Seeking Justice” are merely creating a Wicker Man to tear down. Cage is a Family Man. It Could Happen to You! So let’s forgive Nicolas Cage, our National Treasure, and talk about what’s Next. How about The Weather, Man?
Lest you think that was just someone pretending to be Nic Cage’s T-Rex skull, remember that (1) that account was posting long before this story was published, and (2) that skull probably spent a lot of time sitting on piles of overstock DVDs in the attic of Cage’s New Orleans haunted house.
Don’t forget to paste your nominees for this week’s Comment of the Week below. You can find a link to this post on the right sidebar, or at the bottom of your daily Morning Links post. Until next week…