Denny’s is offering Hobbit breakfasts now

If Wahlburgers thought they were going to own the movie-related food market, they’ve got another thing coming, because MGM is partnering with Denny’s to offer Hobbit-themed breakfasts, second breakfasts, elevenses, afternoon tea, etc., as well as your basic drunk late-night face f*ck. Peter Jackson may never be thin again.

Starting Nov. 6, customers will be able to feast on 11 new breakfast, lunch and dinner dishes including the “Hobbit Hole Breakfast,” “Frodo’s Pot Roast Skillet” and “Build Your Own Hobbit Slam,” which includes new limited time holiday favorites such as “Pumpkin Patch Pancakes,” “Shire Sausage,” and “Seed Cake French Toast.” [UPI]
[and, according to the LA Times/I09] Gandalf’s Gobble Melt, “The Ring” Burger, Bilbo’s Berry Smoothies, Build Your Own Hobbit Slam and Radagast’s Red Velvet Pancake Puppies.

“Red velvet pancake puppies,” aka “deep-fried balls of dough.” That “Red velvet” crap must have a genius publicist, because red velvet isn’t that good. I guarantee if you ground up some plums in your cake mix and started calling it “imperial satin” the same dipshits would go nuts for it. Pretty much the opposite of “Hobbit Hole Breakfast,” which sounds like an unspeakable sex act. Anyway, I suppose Denny’s greasy dumpster slop might as well have a theme, and no one knows what the f*ck “moons over my hammie” is supposed to mean anymore, so there you go. I’m just sad Outback never teamed with Kevin James for “Here Comes the Bloomin’ Onion.”

Haha, you’re so stupid, grandma.

Related story: Last time I was doing stand-up in LA with Pauly and Joe King Sinclitico, Pauly and Joe went out for Denny’s the Thursday before I got into town. Joe started talking up the bus boy, asking him, “Man, I bet you see some crazy stuff here working the late shift. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen?”

Guy thinks about it, and says, “One time, this ninja came in and started doing backflips and everything.”

Joe laughs, says, “Really, some guy dressed like a ninja?”

The guy looks at Joe and goes, “Nah, man! He was like a fa real ninja!”






Here’s a more honest intro for the Denny’s Hobbit commercial:

[pics via I09]