Diablo Cody is writing the Evil Dead remake. Wait, what?

I hadn’t been covering the Evil Dead remake rumors and counter rumors going around for the past few days, because people have been talking about that sh*t for like 10 years now and it usually amounts to less than my life up to this point. But that was before a fairly official-sounding press release from Ghost House went out. It announced that Diablo Cody was re-writing a script by Rodo Sayagues and Federico ‘Fede’ Alvarez, the latter of whom is set to direct. Honest to blog, it’s true. Are you jeally? Anyway, it was exciting news for me, because I went to high school with at least four guys named “Federico Alvarez.”

Sam Raimi and original producing partners Rob Tapert and Bruce Campbell (who also starred in the original franchise) are gearing up to remake their cult sensation THE EVIL DEAD through their long standing Ghost House Pictures partnership. Raimi and Tapert were such instant fans of Fede Alvarez’s short film “Panic Attack” that they set up a blind deal with the filmmaker and through that process have attached Fede Alvarez to write and direct the film. Alvarez wrote the script with Rodo Sayagues. Academy Award® winning screenwriter Diablo Cody is currently doing revisions on the draft. Ghost House is committed to renewing the franchise and has the film on the fast track.

Raimi wrote, directed and, along with Tapert and Campbell, produced the original horror classic THE EVIL DEAD that tells the story of five twenty-something friends who become holed up in a remote cabin where they discover a Book Of The Dead. An archaeologist’s tape recording reveals that the ancient text was discovered among the Khandarian ruins of a Sumerian civilization. Playing the taped incantations, the youths unwittingly summon up dormant demons living in the nearby woods, which possess the youngsters in succession until only one is left intact to fight for survival. THE EVIL DEAD spawned a franchise with the equally successful installments EVIL DEAD II and ARMY OF DARKNESS. [PressRelease via /Film]

I think it goes without saying that nerds are going to be pretty pissed about this one, and for good reason. Why do you need to remake a horror film? That sh*t is the easiest thing to write in the world. A girl gets possessed by a demon. Some kids get eaten by killer piranhas. There’s a mutant alligator, and it’s really big. A couple adopts a baby, and it turns out to be a secret dwarf hooker. You can’t take five seconds and come up with something new? If I want to see a modern take on a Sam Raimi movie, I’ll watch Drag Me to Hell.

Fede Alvarez’s ‘Panic Attack.’

Original Trailer for The Evil Dead