"Mahalo, Motherf**ker!" Every line of dialog Rihanna says in Battleship

This is one of those internet creations I see and think, “Dammit, why didn’t I think of that?” Those jerks at Vulture beat me to the idea I should’ve had, compiling every line of dialog spoken by Rihanna in Battleship. I still haven’t seen it, but judging by the trailer, Rihanna plays a classic “Magic Negro whose grandpappy foretold of aliens” character. Plus, there’s some gruff expository stuff thrown in there, because Michelle Rodriguez wasn’t in there to deliver it like she normally is in these types of movies.

  • “What’s wrong with you, drama queen?”
  • “Get up princess! Come on!”
  • “Typical”
  • “Shut up. Shut up.”
  • “Oh, this gon’ be sweet. He hates the man.”
  • “You go mess with him and see what happens!”
  • “Chicken!”
  • “Kentucky Fried Chicken!”
  • “You look like Colonel Sanders, actually.”
  • “Yo Saunders, ever been in a department run by some kind of Donald Trump/Mike Tyson mutant combo?”

  • “Nothing, sir.”
  • “If you did, it was only in reference to the fact the you both project great physical intensity, sir.”
  • “I got something sir, on my camera.”
  • “I don’t know.”
  • “Is this some kind of exercise?”
  • “You ever seen anything like this?”
  • “Weird, man.”
  • “Real bad idea, Lieutenant.”
  • “Lieutenant, get up.”
  • “Lieutenant.”
  • “Come on, you with me?”
  • “Come on, squared away?”
  • “What the hell is that?”
  • “Ahhhhhhh!”
  • “Ahhhhhhh!”
  • “What happened?”
  • “What?”
  • “Who’s in charge?”
  • “Fire control’s offline. I need three minutes.”
  • “(Heavy sigh)”
  • “My dad said they’d come. Said it my whole life. He said one day we’d find them, or they’d find us. Know what else he said? He said, I hope I aint around when that day comes.”
  • “No sir!”
  • “Nothing sir, nothing.”
  • “Yo, hey!”
  • “Come on, come on, come on.”
  • “Mahalo, motherfu—”
  • “What the hell is that?”

You can check out the rest of it over at Vulture. Reading it is a little bittersweet for me. It would be hard for me to be more disappointed over the fact that they cast an actress from Barbados and yet didn’t let her perform in a comically exaggerated Caribbean patois. Did you people learn nothing from Tower Heist?! Exaggerated patois = comedy gold. That’s movie science.

“Genraal! Me seen dem aliahn befahr. Dem bumbaclot aliahn gwan come an’ tief me hiphone! Me huncle say twas da duppie, but me know dem was aliahns all along! Me nearly drop me cheekhan dinnah!”