Here Is Your 2017 Oscars Drinking Game

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The 2017 Oscars telecast is now only a few days away (Sunday at 5:30pm PT on ABC), and this year, an event that tends towards self-righteously political on its best day threatens to become downright intolerable with barely a month separating us from Donald Trump’s inauguration. You can bet there’ll be numerous smug barbs aimed at Trump, clapplause one liners preaching squarely to the choir, and performative declarations of tolerance and care for the less fortunate. And you know what the worst part about it is? This year, those clapplause one-liners will actually qualify as speaking truth to power.

And then we’ll gag from the pandering, and liberals will scream “Yeah, but it’s true!” (we liberals always think simply being correct is a solution in and of itself), and the Trump folks will be all, “You’re just living in a liberal bubble!” and they’ll both be kind of right, and round and round we go. God, I need a drink already.

That’s where our drinking game comes in. No way you’re going to want to be sober while Yale grad Meryl Streep is brilliantly picking a fight with the nation’s football fans and you can already hear the next day’s Tomi Lahren hot take echoing in your ears. (Honestly, is there any job easier than right wing hot take writer?)

Anyway, Jimmy Kimmel is hosting. Here are the nominees. Here are the odds. I’d list the presenters, but if you don’t want to know, it feels a little spoilery. Suffice it to say, THERE. WILL. BE. PAGEANTRY.


One drink is one drink. Call it a sip, call it a finger’s worth, it’s going to depend on your tolerance and whether you’re drinking beer, wine, banana daiquiris, or scotch. (I would not recommend playing this with scotch.) Whatever, you know what “one drink” is. Be consistent. If you’re in recovery, play with something gross, like Kombucha.


This is going to come up a lot so we’re going to create three levels.

– One Drink for Indirect References to Trump: Anything with “in the current climate,” “in this political atmosphere,” “In a world where…” Ditto any reference to a wall, immigrants, a travel ban, bathrooms, transgender youth, journalists, “fake news,” alt right, or alternative facts. We’ll call this the “In a World” rule.