SpongeBob Squarepants: Sponge Out Of Water movie and Fifty Shades Of Grey played side by side at a drive-in theater in Northern California this weekend, leading naturally, to many outraged parents. Many complained, “wait, there are still drive-in movie theaters? Why wasn’t I told about this?”
No parent would say a kids cartoon belongs side-by-side with a controversial R-rated movie about a highly sexual relationship that’s rife with bondage and domination. But that’s basically what happens each night at the Solano Drive In in Concord for most of the night, as the movies overlap for several hours.
I have fond memories of creeping on Sliver when I went with a friend’s family to see… some other movie I don’t even remember now at a drive-in. It’s an experience every kid should have. Sadly, that’s been lost with these kids today, who’ve probably seen a woman anally penetrated by a warthog by the time they hit six.
“At the time, there was a woman being slapped, naked, bound up,” explained Deborah Powell, who attended the “Spongebob” movie with at least a dozen children. “So we had to have our children close their eyes. I could see another car behind us that had children in there with their eyes closed.”
“And I had my eyes closed tight against the filth, and I heard him say ‘Drop on the deck and flop like a fish!'”
“Uh, ma’am, that’s actually the Spongebob theme song.”
The drive-in has two screens, one pointing north, one west. But both screens are easily visible from most vantage points. Powell complained to a theater worker.
“He was apologetic. He agreed that it wasn’t appropriate, and that there had been other complaints,” said Powell.
“There is no way to avoid looking at that screen. It’s too tempting. So, we couldn’t stay. We had to turn around. My children were devastated,” said Powell. [KTVU]
I could never be a local TV reporter. I guarantee my next question would be whether she’d tried calling the Waaahmbulance.
Ironically, my safe word is “Plankton.” In fact, I think it’s high time for that Fifty Shades of Spongebob mash-up. For Squidward to meet Lady Fish, so to speak.
“Well sure, he’s rich and handsome, but he’s very… unconventional.”
“How so?”
“Well, he told me he wanted to live in my pantyhose under the C, and then he started blowing bubbles with his mouth.”