Ron Perlman is in drag OH GOD PASS THE EYE BLEACH

Senior Editor
08.09.12 26 Comments

Ron Perlman is, to put it charitably, not the handsomest man in the world. He has what doctor’s refer to as a bad case of the monkey face, which may be partly why you normally see him all covered up with makeup and masks and prosthetics in roles like Hellboy or the Beast from the TV version of Beauty and the Beast (remember that show? it was weird). By the way, can we start getting Cam Gigandet some mask roles yet? Anyway, Perlman plays “Phyllis” in 3,2,1… Frankie Go Boom, and I may have to take a good long rape shower after watching the trailer. A scream into a pillow, a puke in the sink, a good long shower – the full Crying Game. Only worse, because at least that dude was hot.

Oh, and side note, you know what’s a great way to keep people from seeing your movie? Give it an obnoxious title that makes me feel like a three-year-old if I say it out loud. “Hey, you bros want to see this new movie? It’s really great, it’s called ‘Fuzzy Wuzzy Pee Pee Fufu.'”

Frank Bartlett (Charlie Hunnam, SONS OF ANARCHY) has been tortured, embarrassed and humiliated by his brother Bruce (Chris O’Dowd, BRIDESMAIDS)–usually on film–his entire life. Now that Bruce is finally off drugs and has turned his life around, things should be different. They are not. [Apple]

More importantly, it has Chris “Eyebrows” Noth, and Lizzy Caplan from Mean Girls/Party Down, who should be getting waaay more work. I’ve included a screencap of her in her bikini top to help cleanse your mind of Ron Girlman up there. Frankie Go Boom hits theaters in October, and between the puking pig, the home made porno, the car in the pool, the prominent RECORD SCRATCH sound effect, the old man biting Charlie Hunnam’s ankle, and Ron Perlman in drag, I get the sense that it miiight be kind of quirky.

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