Steven Seagal and Joe Arpaio are training a ‘posse’ of school shooting first responders

Joe Arpaio, the Maricopa County (Arizona) Sheriff who somehow still has a job, is teaming up with his best buddy Steven Seagal to train a posse of first responders to deal with school shootings. Arpaio and Seagal are an almost too-perfect team for such a task, considering the last time they first responded to something, they brought four armored vehicles and an actual goddamned tank to break up a supposed cockfighting ring that turned out to be one dude named Jesus. He was home alone when the SWAT team burst in and killed 115 of his chickens and shot a puppy. So will Seagal and Arpaio be training responders in the art of puppy killing? This is like the Three Stooges if the consequences were real and Mo was a molesty, 300-pound Zen master in a bulletproof kimono.

Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio is planning a training exercise aimed at helping his volunteer posse members respond to school shootings.
Arpaio’s exercise Saturday at a closed school site in suburban Fountain Hills will simulate scenarios for posse members who volunteered for patrols that the sheriff launched last month just outside schools to guard against shootings.
Action-film star and posse member Steven Seagal will serve as an instructor at the event.
The sheriff hopes to have as many as 400 posse members and another 100 volunteers known as reserve deputies participate in the patrols.
Officers will portray gunmen during the training, while 25 teenagers will play the part of students.
Non-lethal projectile guns will be used in the exercise. [ABC15 via BAD]

Any idiot who lets Steven Seagal shoot him with a beanbag rifle deserves what he gets. I just hope Joe Arpaio is there to take over for Seagal when training those folks in the ever-important keeping-track-of-space-and-time element of first responding. With his famous inability to keep track of space and time, I like to imagine Steven Seagal getting a 911 call and then showing up to prehistoric Eurasia saying “I heard there’s been a shooting,” to a giant lizard.

“Listen, lizard, I know the truth about who killed the dinosaurs, but I’m not here to talk about that.”