The Curiously Parallel Careers of Michael Bay & Kevin Smith (& other stories)

This was a particularly interesting chart that was a late addition to my career graphs post the other day. Wanted to make sure you saw it, because, you know… creepy.


Ben Stiller & Vince Vaughn in negotiations to co-star in Neighborhood Watch. Vince Vaughn hasn’t seemed to care about making good movies in half a decade and Ben Stiller… was in Little Fockers… but hey! Remember Zoolander?  Written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg (Superbad), NW is a “sci-fi comedy about a suburban neighborhood watch group that uncovers a plot to destroy the world.” On the possible plus side, it’s set to be directed by Akiva Shaffer (Guy 1, the Ape Sh*t Killer from The Lonely Island), and if anyone can bring back good, dumb comedy (as opposed to the obnoxious, pandering Kevin James sh*t), it’s the Lonely Island guys.  Or it could just be another way for Vince Vaughn to eat food and collect a paycheck. We’ll see. [THR]

Disney is making a movie about The Matterhorn ride. Compared to the thousand other idiotic adaptations in the works, this actually doesn’t seem so bad. At least it has a theme, a setting, and a villain. But hey, didn’t they already make this?  Coincidentally, “The Matterhorn” is my favorite depraved sex practice. …If you don’t know what it is, sorry, bro, I’m not telling. Though it is variously known as a “Stinky Yeti.” [THR]

What did you do to Anna Faris’ hair, you bastards?! (Set pic from Sacha Coen’s The Dictator). A girl who looks like Anna Faris getting this kind of haircut should be grounds for divorce. I know that’s sexist, but I feel like there should be some middleground between “whorish Barbie doll designed for my amusement” and visually insulting attempt to become an old lady. [GettyImages]

Diablo Cody to direct Lamb of God. Writer of Juno and Jennifer’s Body set to make her directing debut in a story about “a young conservative religious woman who loses her faith after a plane crash, decides to go to Las Vegas to live the life of a sinner, and on her journey finds her way back to her faith.” I’ve always said that once you strip away the grating slang and kitschy hipster music, Juno is a solid movie.  But having seen Jennifer’s Body, I wonder if that’s mostly a credit to Jason Reitman. Hard to say at this point, but I am drafting plans for Burnsy, Ufford, and I to write more frat fiction under the pen name “DiaBro Cody.” |ComingSoon|

Kevin Smith Made a Distribution Deal and Sh*t.While continuing to self-distribute Red State theatrically (which earned back its money despite Smith’s only overhead being money to rent theaters and production costs) Lionsgate has picked up electronic and packaged media rights.  Meaning you should see it on VOD and whatnot come September sh*t. Much as this business-y, insider news stuff bores me to tears, and as much as parsing Kevin Smith’s billion-word blog posts on the matter make me want to strangle him with his own jorts, Smith deserves some credit. It’s doubtful many other directors could do things this way, but everyone knows that studios spending $100 million on marketing, which is basically them paying themselves through various subsidiaries, and then deducting that from the net profits to avoid paying anyone, is a sh*tty system. Kevin Smith at least is doing something about it. Unlike Colin Firth, that lazy, British f*ck.  [THR, Indiewire]