One “rule” of old-fangled newspaperin’ that many writers still inexplicably cling to is the old “60% summary” rule for movie reviews. This guideine is never quite so hilarious as when applied to the dopey plots of Nicholas Sparks weepies, which can usually be explained using nothing but a good poster. So it was that the Plot Recreated With Reviews feature was born, where we try to see if we can piece together an entire movie using only summary grafs from scathing reviews.
This week brings us a perfect candidate, The Best Of Me, based on the novel by Nicholas Sparks, directed by Michael Hoffman (who also directed the execrable Gambit, which I did unfortunately see). Currently tracking 6% on RottenTomatoes, it’s about this:
Not that I blame any of these writers for summary, there’s only so many times you can write “maudlin.” And when you’re writing about a Nick Sparks movie, it’s not as if you have to worry about spoiling it. Now then, let’s dive in.
James Marsden and Michelle Monaghan are Dawson and Amanda. (Detroit News)
At the top of the film, a lawyer calls each lover to tell them of the death of their most trusted mutual friend, Tuck. (Philadelphia Inquirer)
We flashback to their early years and watch their love affair blossom in the face of their differences: Her family is rich, his family is made up of mentally and physically abusive drug-runners (Detroit News)
…his father a violent thug who resents his son’s interest in getting an education. (New England Movies Weekly)
This was back in more innocent times when working on an ocean oil rig seemed like a cool job for a humble grease monkey who yearned to be a physicist. (TheStar)