This Week In Posters: October 9th, 2014

These posters default to alphabetical order when I insert them, but it’s just as well because hot damn is this Big Hero 6 poster beautiful. It’s equal parts Italian futurist painting and Stalinist propaganda poster. Say what you will about the tenets of totalitarianism, dude, but those sons of bitches sure knew branding. This poster makes me wish I wasn’t colorblind. Is it even prettier than I think?? I bet it is, I bet it is.

A nice, old school poster for a nice, old school submarine movie. This looks like it could’ve come out in 1995. In a good way, like music. (*continues rocking out to The Toadies*)

Leaving the mismatched names aside, can anyone tell me what the hell that dude on the far right is looking at? It looks like he’s spotted a UFO. Is this movie about UFOs? Seriously, is it? I refuse to look it up.

Well, it’s sure not coy about what it’s about, is it. Which is probably a good thing, because I doubt “from the producers of Severance and Creep” is going to be packing them in the seats. Ha, “packing them in the seats.”

Ahh, the “defining chapter,” you say. Well that’s good. It would’ve been a shame if I’d sat through 15 hours of Hobbit movies only to see some throwaway horseshit cobbled together from the appendices or something.

Here’s Gandalf pondering how long to let the Hobbits fight it out with the bad guys before unleashing his massive magic spell that could’ve killed all of them in the first five seconds. I mean, I assume.

I guess this poster is accurate, given that 85% of these boring-ass movies consist of people in silly costumes having staring contests with each other. OH MY GOD, SO BIASED! MUCH SNARK! WOW! #RIPJOURNALISM