This Week In Posters: Jack Sparrow Has Knuckle Tats, And Other Revelations

This week in This Week In Posters, it’s like every studio saved up all their titles and released them all at once. We’ve got Guardians of the Galaxy sequels, new Trainspotting, Power Rangers, and Fifty Shades movies, a new limited release starring Nicolas Cage looking ridiculous, and more! So let’s just get into it, shall we?

First, This Beautiful Fantastic, starring Jessica Brown Findlay, my favorite Downton Abbey contestant. Look, if JBF and Tom Wilkinson are in it, I’m totally there, but this makes me wonder if there should be an indie movie moratorium on “wonder,” “beauty,” “fantastic,” etc. “This Beautiful Fantastic” is like an indie mad lib title. “This Wonderful Beauty,” “This Fantastic Enchantment,” “This Enchanting Wonder,” “This Spectacular Beauty,” This Wondrous Spectaculiforous….”

All this poster really tells me is that the filmmaker probably likes Amelie.

I like this poster because I finally know Spud’s real name. I’m probably still going to call him Spud though. Has Ewen Bremner been a victim of his own Spudness? Discuss.

Also… is he jackin’ it?

Of all the Trainspotting 2 character posters from this week, “Sick Boy” is the only character whose name got a translation into whatever Slavic language this is. Really? No foreign equivalent of “Spud?” Another thing I notice is that Scotland’s ex-heroin addicts are much snappier dressers than ours. Here in San Francisco the standard uniform is a sweater with a cat on it and some jeans that look like they went through a cement mixer. Lotta onesies as well.

I don’t know what sorcery the Trainspotting 2 marketing team are pulling, but I haven’t really liked a Danny Boyle movie in 15 years and 20-year-old overdue sequels are usually just sad, but every time I see a Trainspotting 2 thing some small voice inside me goes “Oh hell yeah, I can’t wait for this.”

What is happening to me? Are all my usual sequel rules suspended if the movie was about pooping and heroin?