The first poster in this week’s This Week In Posters is Abattoir. Which asks the question “How do you build a haunted house?” The definition of the title suggests “by slaughtering thousands of animals in it” while the imagery seems to say “You put it in your hat!”
This poster seemed very British at first glance, but it turns out it comes from Darren Lynn Bousman, director of Repo! The Genetic Opera, starring Paris Hilton. I still get nightmares from that “Zydrate Anatomy” clip, though probably not the kind of nightmares they intended. This one looks like it has less goth singing, but it’s hard to tell from the poster.
“Well hello! I’m the Mad Hatter, I am. Welcome to my kaleidoscope of random sh*t.”
This looks like a black light poster, right down to the random mushrooms. I imagine a marketing guy leaning back in his chair going, “Seriously, this made a billion dollars last time? Huh, go figure. Okay, just stick all the same characters in it.” (*long drag from cigarette*)
“The battle is bigger in IMAX! There is at least 400K resolution more of random debris falling from the sky, you’re going to love it!”
Also, is it just me, or is having “select footage filmed with IMAX cameras” in your IMAX poster kind of like having “may contain up to 10 percent chocolate” on your chocolate-bar wrapper?
I know this is painfully literalist of me, but I feel like I need some explanation of how Batman would even hope to compete with Superman in a fight. It looks like they’re up in the air. How is Batman up in the air? Batman can’t fly. Did Superman agree to fight him above a trampoline? In fact, why is Superman even using his fists? Couldn’t he just melt Batman’s face with his heat vision? Or turn back time and kill Batman in the womb? I bet Superman wouldn’t even have to kill Batman’s mother, he could just yell real loud or stare at her stomach and make her spontaneously miscarry. Superman has lots of powers, I guarantee making Batman’s mom miscarry is one of them.
MORGAN FREEMAN NARRATING: “Seconds later, Superman punched Batman into the sun.”
Clearly, the designer here knew all she had to do was remind me of Planet Earth and I’d already have the pot brownies out. Will this have IMAX footage of nature? I’m just going to assume yes.
I like Melissa McCarthy, but I feel like she sells herself short by always letting her ridiculous outfits do so much of the work. Fair/unfair? Anyway, this poster certainly is a zany interpretation of the title.
Carol already came and went, obviously, but this is a pretty great abstract poster for it. Wait, does this count as abstract? The sideways hearts are lips. (I actually missed that the first few times I looked at it).
I appreciate this poster designer lining the faces up with the names, I really do. Also, I can actually feel Michael Nyqvist’s nose against my cheek. I know this movie is probably about something, but all I can think about is the nose.
These new character posters from Criminal feel like what Triple 9 was going for a few weeks back. Like I don’t know who Gal Godot is playing or what this movie is about at all, but she looks like she has a secret, and I need to know what it is.
This one reminds me of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. No one sits in a dark room smoking like Gary Oldman. Dude can smoke and stare and stare and smoke and smoke and stare some more. You’re not going to win a smoking and staring contest against Gary Oldman, I’m just saying.
Tommy Lee Jones is staring like someone just asked him a dumb interview question. As good as Gary Oldman is at smoking and staring? That’s how good Tommy Lee Jones is at silently seething. It’s hard to look at his face without hearing the sound of grinding teeth.
I bet Kevin Costner is the criminal in Criminal. Just look at that circle beard. Everyone with a circle beard has at least an outstanding warrant.
Normally they’d have something reflected in the knife, wouldn’t they? Seems like a missed opportunity.
I’ve never seen a Divergent movie, but the posters are so aggressively bland it makes me feel violent. Wait, is this what divergence feels like? Do I have to lead the revolution now?
“What makes us different ties us together.”
WHAT MAKES YOU DIFFERENT? YOU’RE ALL BLANDLY ATTRACTIVE DESATURATED TEEN IDOLS.
This guy looks like they morphed Josh Lucas, Michael Fassbender, Henry Cavill, and Alexander Skarsgard.
This is the least-funny picture of Miles Teller in existence and it’s still pretty funny. He looks like he should be the face of “CONFUSION, by Calvin Klein.”
Oh, I get it, she’s the purest. Is that because she’s divergent? No wait, don’t tell me, I don’t care. This looks like an ad for soap.
This is true to life, it’s usually about this blurry when I’m making out.
There’s a whole series of these Where’s Waldo-esque character posters for Finding Dory. I’m not sure about this strategy, I always thought the character design was some of the best stuff in Finding Nemo, it seems weird to make the poster 98 percent background landscape.
Okay, this is a little better. Who do you think voices the lead stingray? I hope it’s Nick Nolte.
I’m a little disappointed that Ghostbusters didn’t lady up the Ghostbusters logo so that we’d know it’s a lady Ghostbusters movie. Like, instead of the spooky haunting face, maybe the ghost could be all hysterical because it’s on its period. And maybe one hand could be barely holding a steering wheel, about to crash because it’s texting its girlfriend with the other. Or maybe it’s holding a rolling pin because its ghost husband was ogling a sexy lady. These ideas are gold, people. Is someone writing this down?
Hardcore Henry (trailer here) looks a little like District 9 meets Crank with a first-person shooter gimmick, which is kind of hard to convey in a poster. Somehow, they nailed it. It’s like they just knew they had to give it a “look,” and didn’t really try to copy the trailer. Anyway, it looks great. I just know he’s going to get some blood and gore spattered on those nice white shoes.
In case you don’t speak German, that’s A Hologram For the King, a new film from Run Lola Run director Tom Tykwer, adapted from a Dave Eggers novel. Tom Tykwer, Dave Eggers, and Tom Hanks? Granted, Tykwer hasn’t really made a good movie since Run Lola Run, but I’m still intrigued. IMDb says…
A failed American businessman looks to recoup his losses by traveling to Saudi Arabia and selling his idea to a wealthy monarch.
That sounds more interesting than the poster. The poster just makes it look like Dorkus of Arabia. Or worse, Walter Mitty.
Well Nick Blood is in this, so it definitely won’t be generic. Also, a story where people swap bodies? Has this been tried before?
It’s The Gift meets the Die Die My Darling cover! I like this very much.
Man, this week is just full of great posters. I can’t even really put my finger on what I like so much about this one, but it just screams “dry humor.”
I want to hate this for the blatantly mismatched faces/names, but I love it for scowling, Come At Me, Bro Gerard Butler with words on his crotch. Also, Morgan Freeman and Aaron Eckhart’s eyelines match up nicely.
This is the first Midnight Special poster where I feel like I get some idea what it’s about. I assume the government is coming to experiment on the boy, but Michael Shannon tears them limb from limb.
Aubrey Plaza totally parties, you guys. Also, this is the second movie in a row where Zac Efron gets chiefed in the poster. There are other comedy actors, no? Like, ones with backgrounds in comedy, say?
When I saw the first trailer for The Purge, I couldn’t believe that concept was worth one movie, let alone three, but the simplicity of it makes for some good posters. This is just good graphic-makin’ right here.
I hope this is just a bad poster, because right now this movie looks like the Taiwanese animation version of Guardians of the Galaxy.