Just to get you all up to speed, this is the second installment of our new feature, the week in posters. It saves us from wasting a whole post on a single poster by combining them all into one, a method which we like to call THE LIGHTNING ROUND! (*relevant sound effect*)
This week in posters, we’ve got Thor, Tyler Perry, Kirk Cameron, and MUCH, MUCH MORE!
Not a poster per se, but this is a still from a video Fox sent over from a series entitled “Becoming Black Swan”, to promote the upcoming Black Swan DVD release. Their latest stars Perez Hilton. Yeah, because that’s what an Academy Award-winning film about ballet needs, a fat mongoloid who draws semen stains on people in MS Paint. I can’t wait to see Chris Brown in his Winter’s Bone t-shirt.
Here’s the latest character poster from Thor, featuring Tom Hiddleston as the God of mischief, Loki. On the plus side, he looks less like Orlando Bloom here. Though he still looks a little Photoshopped and definitely like his idea of “mischief” is tickling your pee pee. No wonder he comes from a realm known as “Ass Guard.”
Natalie Portman as scientist Jane Foster would be laughably typical “hot-chick-as-mathematician” casting if we didn’t know that Natalie Portman actually was a precocious scientist. HAHA, SIT DOWN, PORTMAN, GIRLS CAN’T SCIENCE! (*turned into a newt*)
(I assume that’s how science works).
Yup, that’s Idris Elba, aka Stringer Bell, as Heimdall, the Chocolate Norseman, the one who has the white supremacists with their hoods all in a bunch. Relax, honkies, at least they made his eyes blond.
Chris Hemsworth as Thor, the God of Thunder. Damn, how badass would this be with AC/DC playing in the background? Hell yeah, dude, let’s go get hammered, we’d all say. That’s a pun, son. (*dodges tomato*)
Anthony Hopkins as Odin, the kind of Gods. He’s so badass he wears a strapless eye patch. Or an opaque monocle. Either way, you know you don’t want to mess with him because he’s about to go Shakespearian on your ass.
Took me 10 minutes to realize there was other stuff in this poster besides Heather Graham in short shorts, and another 10 after that to realize that the main girl’s shirt says “I ate a shark,” which is pretty badass. Little Guy Fieri back there creeps me out though.
[via The Refinery]
The Topp Twins: Untouchable Girls, a documentary about a pair of folk-singing, cross-dressing sisters from New Zealand who also performed as “Ken and Ken.” I’m intrigued, but I’d be more so if it it had the same title but was about one woman, and she was the opposite untouchable. The Topp Twins: Touchable Girls, starring Diora Baird. Man, that would be a good movie.
Portuegese poster for Rio, aka White Parrots Can’t Fly. Set in Rio, you say? Needs a drunk Arnold Schwarzenegger checking out someone’s tail feathers.
[via The Refinery]
Courageous, from the creators of Fireproof? Holy (literally) crap, I am so there. Remember when Kirk Cameron beat up his computer because it make him look at porn? I hope for more than the same. Wait, don’t you mean the producers of Fireproof? You’re calling yourself “creators” now? BLASPHEMER, BLASPHEMER, BURN THEM!
Meeting Spencer was made last year according to IMDB and still doesn’t have a release date, a DVD on Amazon, or a Wikipedia page, so you’re probably never going to see it. I kind of enjoy the poster though. They went old school with it.
The Argentinian poster for Jodie Foster’s The Beaver (which is called “Walter’s Double Life” over there). (Yes, I covered this one earlier this week). The easiest joke is at the bottom right, where Jodie Foster is in bed with her husband, but realizes that it’s beaver she loves. On a more earnest note, this movie sounded a lot better when we thought it was a comedy.
The Hong Kong poster for Little Red Clitoral Red Riding Hood. What the hell did they do to Amanda Seyfried’s face? I don’t really have a joke for this, I’m just trying to imagine the thought process that led to them making this. “What? This isn’t nearly Photoshopped-looking enough! It’ll never play here.”
On the plus side, it’s fun to play with.
Yeah… We have good times, don’t we?
Character poster for Kevin Smith’s Red State, starring Stephen Root. Is it just me or does Stephen Root look like a younger, less curmudgeonly Rip Torn?
New one sheet for Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family, which we’ve already been over in my post, Is Tyler Perry the least cool black guy on Earth? But don’t worry, we’ve got more Tyler Perry posters:
More Madea’s Big Happy Family Posters spotted in LA. “Hallelujer” and “Good Afternoont.” You know, lame as the Snooki reference was, at least I understood it. Can someone explain these jokes to me? I honestly have no idea.
[courtesy of past Frotcast guest Bobby Hacker]
Close ups of the previous posters. No comment.
Cars 2. Yes, the buck-toothed truck is voiced by Larry the Cable Guy. If that’s not enough to convince you that this is Pixar’s weakest franchise, they’re pretty much all making the Dreamworks face. But hey, what do I know? I’m just an incorrigible rogue. (*smiles with one eye bigger than the other*)
Poster for Jane Eyre in… Korean? Hey, is that Michael F. Assbender in the reflection? Aw yeah, son, YOU JUST GOT ASSBENT! And no, that joke is never going to get old for me. Assbending is timeless, unlike say,
Jane Austen Bronte novels. [f-ck, I quit]
There are a lot of different ways you could go with a film about a psychokinetic, murderous tire named Robert. I didn’t think you could do better than this promo image, with the tire thoughtfully admiring his handy work, but the headless cartoon corpses may have proed me wrong. Now DAT’S how you poster.
Poster for a Todd Corbery short which played at SXSW called Good Morning, Beautiful. Pretty cool poster, thought it doesn’t tell you much about the plot. To make this more Hollywood, all you’d need to do is shoehorn someone’s face into the silhouette:
Voila, now it’s a rom-com.
[sent in by a reader]