Thorin Oakenshield is The Hobbit’s Armenian dwarf

Thanks to LotR fan site TheOneRing.Net, I’ve got your first look at Richard Armitage as Thorin Oakenshield, the fifth installment of the exciting series, Still Pictures of Dwarves from The Hobbit. One might think they could’ve just released all the dwarf photos in one batch to keep from annoying the crap out of everyone, especially when the movie doesn’t even come out for another year and a half, but this is New Zealand. You have to ration the moments of thrilling excitement or else people get the bends. Plus people need something to tide them over for the next six months until the Christchurch Wool Fair.

As a young Dwarf prince, Thorin witnessed the destruction and terror wrought when a great fire-breathing Dragon attacked the Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor. After slaughtering many of Thorin’s kin, the great serpent, Smaug, entered The Lonely Mountain and took possession of its vast store of gold and jewels. No-one came to the aid of the surviving Dwarves, and thus, a once proud and noble race was forced into exile. Through long years of hardship, Thorin grew to be a strong and fearless fighter and revered leader. In his heart a fierce desire grew; a desire to reclaim his homeland and destroy the beast that had brought such misery upon his people. So when fate offers him an unusual ally, he seizes the chance for revenge.

Dragons are cool, but after Game of Thrones, I worry any dragon story that doesn’t involve a princess getting hate-f*cked from behind by a juiced-out barbarian is going to feel like a letdown., you know? Anyway, Thorin looks eerily like my Armenian great-grandma, only with thinner eyebrows and less jewelry. She died with the plastic still on her couch, poor lady.