Welcome back to This Week in Posters, the best weekly movie poster feature on the entire Internet. This week, the fickle Gods of WordPress have decided we go in alphabetical order (make sure you stay until the end, Zootopia has some dynamite new character posters), and thus we start with Backtrack, starring Adrien Brody and Sam Neill. (Check out Sam Neill’s story about having a Jonas Bro steal his seat, if you haven’t yet.)
I like to say all horror movies are about a haunted house or a creepy little kid, and this one seems to have both. It even has “haunt” used twice in the same poster! Also, is it just me, or does Adrien Brody’s face always seem like he’s being ironic? Ever since he did that series of Stella Artois commercials, I can’t see him as anything but. He really has a face for European light beer.
Is there always dirt flying around in the background when Batman and Superman hang out? I understood it when they were breaking stuff and punching each other, but here it looks like they’re just standing there. Where’s that dirt coming from? Does the planet rain dirt in this alternate future?
Also, “#WhoWillWin?” Is that a serious question? One guy flies, has super speed, infinite strength, x-ray vision, heat vision, bullet proof skin, can make icicles with his breath and turn back time. The other guy is rich. Is this a comment on income equality in America?
“Human beans,” huh? Okay, whatever. I feel like someone sheltered enough to think that’s cute isn’t going to know it’s a joke. Also, there’s no way I can see “BFG” without thinking “Big F*cking Giant.”
What’s blowing her skirt up? Is the giant supposed to be talking? Where she’s standing, it seems like his breath would go right over her head. Plus the wind is coming from underneath. I think the giant just farted on her. They should’ve added some stink lines and her hair curling up from the smell to make that come through.
I got real sad when I figured out that this wasn’t going to be a sequel to Splash. I have no idea what it’s about, but I do love Matthias Schoenaerts. I hope he has a dog companion in this one like in Far From The Madding Crowd. I’ll watch anything where Matthias Schoenaerts has a dog friend.
So, I gather that this movie is about… a bowling ball design? An alien with three eyes? A robot? Also, what’s the strategy here, giving your movie a homonym of a much more famous movie as a title? Is the goal to make people confused when they talk about it? To make it harder to Google?
Inspired by the 2012 mass shooting at a cinema in Colorado, this gorgeously filmed episodic drama aims to provoke but dissolves into cold and distant tedium.
Its homonymous title, evocative of the 2012 mass shooting at a screening of The Dark Knight Rises, is the only brash (some might even say bratty) aspect of this otherwise cold, distant film. The noble intention to make us dwell on our culture, and perhaps shame its more voyeuristic members, quickly devolves into a cavalcade of tedium. [The Guardian]
Ahhh, now I understand the title. Sort of. Note to indie filmmakers/marketers: Withholding information isn’t a tease in and of itself. In fact, you’re probably better off erring on the side of oversharing.
Here’s another Deadpool poster that looks like gay porn. I’m still not onboard with this campaign. It’s supposed to be clever and snarky, but aside from the gay porn angle, the posters kinda remind me of a Madea movie, and the trailer had a joke about Rosie O’Donnell. Really, guys? Rosie O’Donnell jokes? What year is it? It’s like it has to be “edgy,” but middle of the road at the same time.
I guess this latest clip works a little better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4o6ueieI_o
“Deadpool. Butt stuff. This February.”
This was supposed to be clever and self-aware, and it is, but instead of being funny, it’s just kind of sad. De Niro really did degrade himself for this.
Look, nothing against Zac Efron, I think he’s fine. But at what point did Hollywood decide he was our greatest comedy actor? At best he’s a 10th man who comes in off the bench and hits a free throw.
This poster seems to ask the question: Can a still image be racist?
This one’s called Eye in the Sky in English, which has apparently been translated to Invisible Enemy in Latin America. Go figure. Anyway, it’s about drones, with Helen Mirren playing Colonel Katherine Powell, according to IMDb. It looks somewhat “generic thriller,” but I’m happy to see Barkhad “Look at me: I am the captain now!” Abdi getting work. Doesn’t look much like a departure for him though. I’d like to see casting directors get a little more creative. He should’ve played LeBron James’ part in Trainwreck.
As I said, all horror movies are about a haunted house or a creepy little kid — oops, wait, this one appears to be about a haunted… uh… digital file? (Doesn’t quite have the same ring as “haunted video tape,” does it?) Just wait, the file will have a creepy little kid on it.
Sizzle me. Sizzle me raw.
I’m not sure they needed to dress the kitten up in human clothes to sell me on Keanu, but I do like that they seem to understand that the kitten is the big draw.
It’s gold! Not much to go on with this trailer, but the animation looks cool so far. They sort of punted by showing us only the characters backs — the real test of 3D animation is whether the characters have those big, glassy, sociopathic eyes like Alvin and the Chipmunks.
O ALLO, GUV, IT’S DA NEW POSTAH FOA LONDON ‘AS FALLEN, INNIT.
They went real British with this, which is fine. My only question: What the hell is that supposed to be inside the horizontal red stripe? They may have tried to squeeze a little too much in this, because that just looks like someone puked on the street. Though I suppose people puking on the street is pretty British.
ARE YOU READ FOR A FANCY LADY BACKSTABBING PARTY, OOH WAH-AH AH AH! Yep, this poster definitely knows its target audience. And it’s directed by Whit Stillman? Why hasn’t he been directing Jane Austen books along?
“Catherine Frot.” How is that a real name? I’m not sure I can get past that. It’s like being named Dave Grope, or Steve Fingerblast.
My favorite thing about the African-American ensemble rom-com is that there’s always one white guy, and it’s always the oddest choice of white guys. Joe Pantoliano? Joey Pants? Usually it’s Michael Rapaport or Jerry Ferrara, but Joey Pants is a nice curveball. I hope he’s there to give some folksy advice. But I think that only works in reverse, with the older black sage in the white rom-com. What’s the black movie trope version of that? Racist pizza shop owner?
White people in a sunny field, a past tragedy – don’t think you can Trojan Horse a Nicholas Sparks movie in here just by not mentioning Nicholas Sparks on the poster, guys, I’m not an idiot.
Also “Jordon?” I refuse to see any movie with a guy who can’t even spell Jordan.
I enjoy the tagline here, but the main guy looks a little too much like a grown up version of the little kid from Love Actually, and that just brings up bad memories.
Check out Jared Leto back there, just Method acting so hard. I want to have something intelligent to say about this, but all I can focus on is how ridiculously hot Margot Robbie looks in her Harley Quinn outfit. I am such a tool. I am ashamed.
I’m not ashamed about how much I love the character designs for Zootopia. There are a whole bunch of new character posters, and I’m going to include all of them because they’re so great. Zootopia is the best looking thing from Disney or Pixar since… what, Toy Story 3?
Antelopes are sexy, no one denies this.
Is that a stoned water buffalo? I approve.
This is the only one I don’t quite understand. It’s a fat cheetah cop? A fat narcissistic cheetah cop? I mean, I guess they can’t all be sloths working the DMV.
Librarian… lamb… I think this one grew out of simple alliteration.
You can’t lose with fennec foxes, I always say.
It’s a bear, that’s kind of Russian looking… He has a bit of a Putin look to him. I think this one might be kind of racist, or at least xenophobic, but it looks so good I don’t care.
And the lion as a pompous politician. I’m telling you, they really nailed the animal human hybrids with this. Disney should never have stopped making anthropomorphic animal movies. It’s their wheelhouse.