FilmDrunk Suggests: Spending some time with your grandparents.
(*hops in floating pirate ship, fires t-shirt cannon*)
The Three Musketeers
Rotten Tomatoes Score: 24% critics, 56% audience
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“Seriously: What the hell? The 1844 Dumas adventure classic is now a steampunk’d migraine. Clashing 3-D swords in your face! — purloined jewels and court intrigues no longer suffice. This movie exists for its digital airborne sailing vessels and deadly retro-futuristic flamethrowers.” – Michael Phillips, Chicago Tribune (exactly why I think I’m going to love this movie)
“The material has been more than amply raided for both drama and farce, adding redundancy to incompetence for this latest incarnation. The fact that the story is being told in 3-D for possibly the first time is of no consolation whatsoever.” – Peter Howell, Toronto Star
Armchair Analysis: I really want to see this just so I can witness the ridiculousness. FACT: the commercials alone are stronger than a 5 Hour Energy shot. Honestly, for the sake of absolute hilarity, I feel like I’m really going to enjoy this latest installment of the classic
candy bar Alexandre Dumas tale of Athos, Porthos, and Othos. Wait, that was Beetlejuice. Whatever, soundtrack by Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart and Sting or GTFO.
Vince adds: The studio didn’t screen this for critics, and in fact, in many cities, they scheduled, then cancelled their press screenings. Early word must’ve been horrible. That said… Zeppelin-carried pirate ships?!?! THIS LOOKS AMAZING!