FilmDrunk

Weekend Movie Guide: Argoing To See ‘Argo’?

Opening Everywhere: Argo, Sinister, Seven Psycopaths

Opening like the Gates of Hell: Here Comes the Boom

FilmDrunk Suggests: This is a good movie weekend. Three out of four of these films should be great. One of them should be the worst thing ever. Can you guess which one will suck? Take your time, it’s a tough one.

Argo

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 93% critics, 90% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Argo is a rollicking yarn, easily the most cohesive and technically accomplished of Affleck’s three films so far, but a part of me wishes the director hadn’t cast himself in the lead role.” – Dana Stevens, Slate

“If nothing else, it proves that every so often, the CIA can pull something off – and that yes, Canadians are just about the nicest people on the planet.” – Stephen Whitty, Newark Star-Ledger

Armchair Analysis: I can’t wait til the Academy Awards come around and Lincoln wins everything and all of us complain like crazy that Argo was robbed. I also can’t wait for Armond White’s review that claims Argo doesn’t hold a candle to Spies Like Us… so I can agree.

Sinister

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 60% critics, 75% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“C’mon, Ethan Hawke, you’re better than this. Isn’t there a “Before Sunset” sequel that needs your attention?” – Sara Stewart, New York Post

“As the best horror stories so often do, “Sinister” makes clear that we are our own boogeymen, the worst monsters of all.” – Mark Olsen, Los Angeles Times

Armchair Analysis: I love a good horror movie and like to fancy myself a purist when it comes to choosing which scary movies suck and those that make it tough to sleep, and this movie looks f*cking fantastic. When that chick pops out of the box in the commercials and she doesn’t have any breasts, I’m like, “Bros, that’s some scary sh*t right there!” I can’t wait to take my black friend to see this.

Seven Psychopaths

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 83% critics, 87% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“For about 75 minutes, Seven Psychopaths is a rollicking good movie – kinetic, clever, funny, and brutal. Then, inexplicably, it falls apart.” – James Berardinelli, ReelViews

“While “Seven Psychopaths” is indeed as crazy as it sounds, it’s not nearly as smart as it thinks it is.” – Tom Long, Detroit News

Armchair Analysis: I included those sh*tty reviews just to further show how much I hate movie critics. We’re not allowed to like fun stuff. Everything has to be perfect and clever up its own butthole for it to be a good movie. Learn how to turn your brains off, folks.

Here Comes the Boom

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: Who cares.

Gratuitous Review Quotes: Who cares.

Armchair Analysis: It’s a movie named after a POD song, produced by Adam Sandler and his friends. What else do you need to know?

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