Weekend Movie Guide: Ender’s Game? Probably ‘Hungry Hungry Hippos’

Opening Everywhere: Ender’s Game, Free Birds, Last Vegas, The Immigrant

Opening Somewhere: Mr. Nobody

FilmDrunk Suggests: Let’s see – a movie that has been loathed by so many for reasons unrelated to the actual movie, an animated Thanksgiving movie that stars Dwight Howard as a character named Cold Turkey, or a movie about old men as fish out of water as they party in Vegas. Oh, or a limited release artsy film starring King Emo. Geez, what a buffet of movie awesomeness this weekend. Flip a coin.

Ender’s Game

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 61% critics, 76% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

A promising if risky start to what is intended to be a blockbuster franchise … – Liam Lacey, Globe and Mail

More considered than your standard lunk-headed blockbuster and certainly visually engrossing, this game is played well. – Tom Long, Detroit News

Armchair Analysis: I don’t know if I’ve been too focused on ignoring all of the boycott and negative news around this movie, but I feel like for a giant sci-fi epic, the marketing was little to none. Normally, I’d expect to have commercials featuring Ol’ Grumpy Grandpa Harrison Ford snarling at me every two minutes, especially on NFL Sunday. But it feels like it has only been every 20 minutes. Strange how that works, when the author of the source material pisses off a large group of people.

Free Birds

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 21% critics, 74% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

A stale turkey hash that heaves a lot of ingredients in the oven but never turns on the gas, a frantic attempt to come up with an animated film built around Thanksgiving Day traditions. – David Hiltbrand, Philadelphia Inquirer

A forgettable – and occasionally borderline offensive – animated tale of turkeys trying to take back Thanksgiving. – Sara Stewart, New York Post

Armchair Analysis: It’s nice to see Dwight Howard loaning his voice to an animated film that he can bring all of his kids to.

(In lieu of a screen shot, here’s Redfoo explaining his role in Last Vegas. Watch this, please. More people need to see how stupid society has become. Keep in mind, Redfoo is who he is, because Berry Gordy is his dad. But yeah, keep telling us about the “party world.” You’re cool, dude.)

Last Vegas

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 43% critics, 70% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

De Niro and Douglas weirdly play versions of their real selves, while Freeman and Kline ham it up as if they’re auditioning for a reality show called Gramps Gone Wild. – Peter Howell, Toronto Star

Better than you’d think. But I didn’t have to pay to see it. – James Verniere, Boston Herald

Armchair Analysis: That scene in the commercial, when the bouncer is like, “That’ll be eighteen…” and Kevin Kline starts counting out $18 and then the bouncer says, “No, $1,800” and they’re all like, “Whaaaaaa?” Hahahahahahahahaha, that shit’s just like my grandparents, you guys.

The Immigrant

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 91% critics, 70% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

The ambient fury of the director James Gray’s teeming historical drama is built into the very fabric of his tensely unbalanced wide-screen images. – Richard Brody, New Yorker

An old-fashioned but subdued melodrama, with a pleasingly ripe musical score and scenes full of big emotions performed at a hushed pitch. – Jon Frosch, The Atlantic

Armchair Analysis: Never heard of it. *cracks open another Bud tall boy*

Mr. Nobody

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 73% critics, 79% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

Never mind that several characters seem to gain or lose British accents throughout the course of the film. The lack of continuity only enhances the sense of deliciously dizzying disequilibrium. – Michael O’Sullivan, Washington Post

While Mr. Nobody contains some truly moving scenes, it eventually starts to try your concentration when you suspect all the space/time continuum shuffling may never become more than the sum of its parts. – Jennie Punter, Globe and Mail

Armchair Analysis: Didn’t Jared Leto quit acting to focus on Mopey Seconds to Pouty? Someone must have reminded him what money is.