Weekend Movie Guide: Enough With The ‘Despicable Me 2’ Tie-Ins Already

Opening Everywhere: Despicable Me 2, The Lone Ranger

Opening Somewhere: Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain, The Way, Way Back

FilmDrunk Suggests: Go see White House Down so it’s not a bomb, and I won’t have to listen to Channing Tatum cry when we co-host the Miss Twerk America contest in Tampa next month.

Despicable Me 2

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 75% critics, 89% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“How do you tell a story about a bad guy who is no longer a bad guy? Despicable Me 2 embraces the dilemma and adds new ones.” – Nancy Churnin, Dallas Morning News

“As a sequel [it] stands level with the first film (also directed by Pierre Coffin and Chris Renaud), and may have the edge on it.” – Mary F. Pols, TIME

Armchair Analysis: Go see this movie, don’t go see this movie – I don’t care. But HOLY CRAP get those damn yellow characters and their voices out of every f*cking commercial on TV already. Is there anything worse than Flo from Progressive by herself? Yes. Flo from Progressive with little screeching blobs.

The Lone Ranger

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 23% critics, 68% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Somewhere, around the hour-and-a-half mark, The Lone Ranger makes the fateful decision not to end. Worse, the movie keeps not-ending for another full hour.” – Christopher Orr, The Atlantic

“When it comes to mining boys’ adventure stories, defaming pirates may be fair game, but stories about western justice and native Americans? Not so much.” – Liam Lacey, Globe and Mail

Armchair Analysis: It seems that people hate this movie with the fiery passion of 1,000 nuclear suns so far. I’m no expert, but I think that’s going to hurt its Oscar chances.

Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 73% critics, 100 % audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Any comic who can play the Garden must be good, but you wouldn’t know it from this jumble of random routines and on-the-bus footage.” – Rafer Guzman, Newsday

“If you were to judge Let Me Explain purely on its performance portion, filmed at Madison Square Garden during Hart’s 2012 tour, the film would merit a full extra star. But at 75 minutes, it feels too skimpy to rave over.” – David Hiltbrand, Philadelphia Inquirer

Armchair Analysis: I really like Kevin Hart. I don’t have much else to add at this time.

The Way, Way Back

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 85% critics, 92% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“A coming-of-age drama that manages some genuinely surprising turns despite the formulaic road it travels.” – Ann Hornaday, Washington Post

“Authenticity gives the movie its witty, heartwarming, hopeful, sentimental, searing and relatable edge. It is merciless in probing the tender spots of times like these, and tough-guy sweet in patching up the wounds.” – Betsy Sharkey, L.A. Times

Armchair Analysis: I hope that Jim “Dean Pelton” Rash and Nat “Nat Faxon” Faxon continue to make great movies. That is, unless they involve the little yellow guys from Despicable Me. Those little bastards are the worst.