Weekend Movie Guide: Gerard Butler Ain’t No C-Tates, Yo!

Opening Everywhere: The Croods, Admission, Spring Breakers, Olympus Has Fallen

FilmDrunk Suggests: That video above. It’s a dog named Milo dressed as the characters from The Wizard of Oz. It’s certainly a lot better than watching Gerard Butler sweat C-Tates’ jock. But it’s also not better than watching Ashley Benson and those other girls do stuff in bikinis, so plan your weekend accordingly.

The Croods

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 61% critics, 87% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Fast-paced, inventive animated comic adventure of a Stone Age family gets an extra boost from the lively vocal performances of stars Nicolas Cage, Emma Stone and Ryan Reynolds.” – Kevin Lally, Hollywood Reporter

“Even the lively visuals and unrelenting thrill-ride pace can’t disguise rough-hewn storytelling, or the fact that the tale of a old-fashioned macho cave dad and his family seems a bit yabba-dabba done that already.” – Liam Lacey, Globe and Mail

Armchair Analysis: I don’t have any beef against The Croods, but I don’t really care about it either. It’s a movie that was created so parents could distract their kids for two hours, and I respect that. But as my Klingon from another mother, Feklhr, pointed out, what the f*ck is with the TV spots calling it an “animated version of Avatar”? Aside from This Ain’t Avatar, I’m pretty sure that Avatar was as animated as they come. Maybe it wasn’t a full-blown cartoon, but it was pretty close.


Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 46% critics, 60% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Granted, this is not automatic laugh-riot material, nor should it be, but didn’t Fey recognize how hackneyed it all is?” – Peter Rainer, Christian Science Monitor

“This would be a good movie for a parent to watch with a high-school-age child facing down the college admissions slog-it’s mildly snarky but resolutely uncynical.” – Dana Stevens, Slate

Armchair Analysis: I’m still in a bit of a post-30 Rock depression, so I’m not yet warm to the idea that Liz Lemon isn’t Liz Lemon anymore. But if Paul Rudd is my morphine then I think that I can get over it pretty quickly.

Spring Breakers

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 70% critics, 68% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“A half hour, four hours, two days after walking away from it you might still flashback to its seductive, neon-lit, dayglow world.” – Adam Graham, Detroit News

“Korine likes the poetics of transgression, and he trowels on the bad behavior with a heavy but mesmerizing hand.” – Ty Burr, Boston Globe

Armchair Analysis: Bikinis and my strange new feelings for Selena Gomez aside, did anyone see the interview clip with Spring Breakers director Harmony Korine on The Soup this week, about how he met his 26-year old wife who plays the girl who isn’t Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Benson or Gomez? It was hilariously creepy, so you should look it up, because I can’t find it.

Olympus Has Fallen

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 50% critics, 80% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“The film is a second-rate ‘Air Force One’ mashed up with a third-rate ‘Die Hard,’ with Gerard Butler striving mightily to be charismatic as the One Man Who Can Save the Day.” – Kyle Smith, NY Post

“If Glenn Beck directed a live-action remake of Team America: World Police, you might approach the level of ridiculous violence and brainless flag-waving in Olympus Has Fallen.” – Sean Means, Salt Lake Tribune (Way to get political over f*cking Olympus Has Fallen)

Armchair Analysis: Eventually, I will be able to write my complete breakdown of this film against White House Down. Until then, I will maintain that this movie looks like Gerard Butler’s Mac & Me to Channing Tatum’s ET.