Weekend Movie Guide: Mumble Mumble On The Wall, Who's The Zzzzzzzzz?

"Stay down, I'll protect you from good acting!"

Opening Everywhere: Snow White and the Huntsman, Piranha 3DD, High School

Never Heard of It: Cellmates

FilmDrunk Suggests: By the time this publishes, I’ll be in the Bahamas, so you can watch my pale white butt enjoy some boat drinks. As for films, go see Men in Black 3. Vince liked it, and that guy hates EVERYTHING.

"Boooooooooooooring."

Snow White and the Huntsman

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 49% critics, 91% audience, 100% furious K-Stew fanboy commenters

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Stunningly shot and inconsistently acted and written, Snow White has enough visual fireworks to keep the film afloat, even if starKristen Stewart can’t get out of Twilight mode.” – Scott Bowles, USA Today

“What dooms Snow White and the Huntsman is ultimately not how over the top it is, but how dull it is. Stewart and Hemsworth have so little chemistry that any romantic undertones between them seem clumsily stapled to the story.” – Linda Holmes, NPR

Armchair Analysis: I don’t hate Kristen Stewart, but I don’t like her. She’s like diet soda, except less bubbly. I also don’t hate the idea of fairy tales re-told, but I don’t love it either. Ultimately, I don’t think this will necessarily be a terrible movie, but it doesn’t really poison my apple, if you know what I mean. Don’t worry, I don’t either.