Opening Everywhere: Wanderlust, Act of Valor, Gone, Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds
FilmDrunk Suggests: Um, hello? Tyler Perry movies always, obviously.
Wanderlust
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 56% critics, 68% audience (Ugh, not looking so hot.)
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“Aniston, who has been in some pretty dire comedies of late (like last year’s mirth-free Adam Sandler atrocity ‘Just Go With It’) thrives in this ensemble comedy.” – Lou Lumenick, NY Post (More on her wildcardishness below.)
“But again, it’s all so ragged. The film’s big sexual reveal is a casual whisper. When a car ends up in a lake, it literally ends up there, you don’t see it get there. It’s like pieces that are needed are missing, and needless pieces are everywhere.” – Tom Long, Detroit News (Seriously, that scene they keep showing in the commercial with Jordan Peele saying, “Cut to” about the car in the lake is just annoying.)
Armchair Analysis: Much like any teenager in the 90s, I enjoyed The State a little too much. And much like any 30-something blogger/intergalactic swashbuckler, I love Paul Rudd. Now, here’s where I’m supposed to say that anything with Jennifer Aniston scares the crap out of me, because she has been to comedy what Jeremy Lin has been to quiet news days. But whereas I wholeheartedly agree that Just Go With It was an abomination (not her fault at all), I actually really liked Aniston in Horrible Bosses (partial nudity helps) and I’m hoping she keeps building momentum for the sake of David Wain’s success. [Hi! It’s Vince. My review is here.]
Act of Valor
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 25% critics, 85% audience (“We like when the things went BOOM!”)
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“… a good old-fashioned American propaganda film except for, you know, the part where I said “good.” It’s also a glimpse into the secretive world of the SEALs, men who can do anything – rescue hostages, kill terrorists, save the free world – except act.” – Jay Stone, Vancouver Sun (My rebuttal: Suck it, Canada.)
“But then, Americans are proud of the force that took down Osama bin Laden and Hollywood would love to profit by that pride. (And if they can make even more profit by hiring a real Navy SEAL instead of paying Bruce Willis to play one — well, roger that.)” – Stephen Whitty, The Star-Ledger (I love America, too, but that’s a lazy ass review.)
Armchair Analysis: I feel like we’ve been bombarded with commercials for this film for the past 5 months, but I still don’t get the point. It’s an action movie about Navy SEALs starring Navy SEALs? Nothing against our armed service men and women ever, but I can’t believe that this will be a good movie from an acting standpoint. That said, U-S-A! U-S-A!
Gone
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: N/A critics, 73% audience
Gratuitous Review Quotes: (This one has not been reviewed very much at all, so… TURD ALERT!)
“Fronting the camera for the majority of the time is Seyfried, who just can’t catch a break script wise since breaking through in the musical Mama Mia! For the material on offer Seyfried does a solid job, yet she doesn’t have that particular kind of talent to rise above the writing. Bad dialogue delivered by a good actor is still bad dialogue, and Gone has more than its share.” – Matt, Matt’s Movie Reviews (See?)
“She has less than 24 hours to rescue her sister, find the killer, elude the police and save the day. Red Riding Hoodnotwithstanding, this film is obviously the bona fide fairy tale.” – Kimberly Gadette, Doddle (SEE?!?!)
Armchair Analysis: I’m not going to watch this any time soon, but I’m getting that gut feeling that I’ll need to watch it eventually for a certain end of the year post, if you get my drift *wink wink nudge nudge hip thrust*. But for fun, am I the only one who watched the commercials for this movie and immediately said, “It’s the cop, right?” Because it has to be the cop.
Tyler Perry’s Good Deeds
Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 29% critics, 91% audience (WHO???)
Gratuitous Review Quotes:
“Although the script is flawed and filled with melodramatic moments that warrant laughter, Perry’s loyal fan base will be engaged by this ‘Pretty Woman’ meets ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’ mash and leave theaters entertained.” – Wilson Morales, Black Film
“Not so when Perry puts on pants to star as a male lead in awkward romantic dramas like Why Did I Get Married? and The Family that Preys. And now he’s at it again with Good Deeds, a melodramatic slog riddled with laughable dialogue that wouldn’t hold a made-for-TV-movie audience past the first commercial break.” – Linda Barnard, Toronto Star (Two reviews, two people pointing out that Perry’s movies feature the most terrible writing in Hollywood. Nobody ever talks about it, though. He must be Illuminati.)
Armchair Analysis: Tyler Perry plays a wealthy guy named Wesley Deeds who does – wait for it – good things. Thus… GOOD DEEDS!!!1! But seriously, here comes another $150 million for Perry while I still search for one freaking person on this planet who likes his movies that are all just unoriginal remakes of pieces of other movies.