FilmDrunk

Weekend Movie Guide: SKYFALL!!!

Opening Everywhere: SKYFALL!!!, Lincoln

Opening Somewhere: Nature Disappoints… sorry, I mean, Nature Calls

FilmDrunk Suggests: SKYFALL!!! SKYFALL!!! SKYFALL!!! SKYFALL!!! SKYFALL!!! Also, I’ve heard Lincoln is pretty good. Vince is writing a review about it, because he saw it instead of Skyfall since he hates James Bond movies.

[Vince’s Note: I’m seeing Skyfall this weekend. Burnsy hates that I hate Quantum of Solace, because Burnsy is a shaky-cam apologist.]

Skyfall

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 93% critics, 91% audience, 1 BAZILLIONGAGILLIONJABILLION% Burnsy

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Mendes’ approach to action is classical and elegant – no manic editing and blurry unintelligible images here – but what makes the movie special is the attention he pays his actors.” – Rene Rodriguez, Miami Herald

“Great heroes are often enhanced by the villains they face, and such is the situation here. To really work, Bond needs great bad guys. Silva is bad at its best.” – Tom Long, Detroit News

Armchair Analysis: As has been expressed in the past, both by Vince and myself, I’m a huge Bond franchise fan. In fact, if Twihards and Potterites wanted to get back at me for all of the fun I have at their expense (keep in mind, I love the Harry Potter films, too, I just ain’t dressing up for them or pretending that Quidditch is actually a sport), they could bag on me for being such a huge Bond geek. I’ve watched every film in the franchise numerous times and I could talk and/or write for days about the highs, lows, awesomes and terribles, and I’d never get tired of it. It’s like I always say – when you’re seeing a movie, you should have specific expectations for it going in (not necessarily that it will be good or bad) or of course you’re going to hate it. I know what I expect from Bond movies, and while some have let me down, I usually get my Moneypenny’s worth. *hi fives a Bond bro*

That said, there are movie critics out there – not many, fortunately – who are bitching and moaning that this isn’t our dad’s James Bond, that Daniel Craig is this affront to everything that Albert Broccoli created. And I think that’s bullsh*t. The criticism that I’ve always allowed from people who didn’t appreciate this philandering badass spy as much as I have is that he’s always the same. From Connery to Brosnan, they were mostly cartoon characters (Dalton was a little more serious and Lazenby was a stiff, but I digress) and Craig represented a new face and direction. Change is good. I want an emotionally shredded mess of a Bond for once, and that’s what Craig has given us. Thank the Queen he’s signed on for two more.

Oh, and I’ll gladly watch Idris Elba as the next Bond. But only if they name his first film Aw Hell Naw. In conclusion, thank you for entertaining this sloppy rant. One more thing – Rosamund Pike is my favorite Bond girl ever.

Lincoln

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 93% critics, 80% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“For a man so funny, so vital, so literally larger than life, ‘Lincoln’ remains a Daguerreotype – careful, quiet and dully framed.” – Stephen Whitty, Newark Star-Ledger (Yo, I think that was a shot at Danger Guerrero!)

“‘Lincoln’ gratifyingly dodges the kind of safe, starchy hagiography that some Spielberg skeptics feared.” – Ann Hornaday, Washington Post

Armchair Analysis: How many people have made the “We already know how it ends!” or “SPOILER ALERT” jokes by now? Like 6 billion? I know I have at least 4 billion times, so the number has to be up there. As for the film, cool. I’ll see it before the Oscars. I’m neck deep in my stretch run of the worst movies of the year right now. SPOILER ALERT: Battleship has been knocked out of the frontrunner spot. I never thought that would happen.

Nature Calls

Rotten Tomatoes Scores: 13% critics, 26% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“It almost seems like harder work somehow to get this many comedians together and then turn out a movie that is only so fitfully funny.” – Mark Olsen, L.A. Times

“As capably as the plot comes together, the big laughs hardly come.” – My closest friend in the world, William Goss, Film.com

Armchair Analysis: Again, sigh. Speaking of my worst movies, this is coming up on my list. I am not excited about hating this. I really hope that I’m one of the 12 hipsters who ironically find this hilarious, at least for the sake of letting Patrice O’Neal go out on top. (Even though, he went out on top no matter what.) But you know what might have made this movie better for everyone? Rosamund Pike.

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