FilmDrunk

Weekend Movie Guide: There’s What In Boots?

Opening in Theaters Everywhere: Puss in Boots, In Time, The Rum Diary, Anonymous, 13

FilmDrunk Suggests: Vince thinks you should all see The Rum Diary because he read a book once, ooh la la! (*does prissy dance*)

Puss in Boots

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 78% critics, 84% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Who needs one traditional fairy tale when a spin-off of a send-up bearing its own genre influences – Puss, Kitty and Humpty as the Good, the Bad and the Ugly, reimagined as the Noble, the Suave and the Misguided – will do?” – William Goss, Film.com

“The lively romp is well-acted, cleverly written and vividly rendered, despite an over-the-top finale. Even the 3-D elements dazzle during swooping chases.” – Claudia Puig, USA Today

Armchair Analysis: I’m against anything that glorifies cats. They’re vile, selfish animals with no regard for loyalty or companionship. If I wanted a movie about animals in silly action sequences, I would remake The Last Starfighter with an all-dog cast and call it The Last Starbiter. I’m going to start working on the screenplay right now. See you all at Cannes!

Vince says: Isn’t it amazing that Pete Hammond got to see it before anyone else, AND they quote him three times in the commercial? What a coincidence!

In Time

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 36% critics, 74% audience because everyone loves Justin Timberlake no matter how ridiculous the premise

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“This futuristic thriller — ‘Logan’s Run’ meets ‘All the President’s Men’ starring Patty Hearst, written as a brainless rejoinder to Joe the Plumber — strikes me as kindergarten Karl Marx, but then what was Karl but a 5-year-old with an expansive vocabulary? It took him 600 pages to say: You have more stuff than me. Gimme some.” – Kyle Smith, New York Post (this guy totally farts in his Prius to enjoy the smell)

“You’ve never heard so many time-themed double-entendres in your life. ‘You got a minute?’ a panhandling girl asks Will. ‘Take five,’ he tells her, before offering her several of his own minutes. Many of the characters are named after brands of expensive timepieces and high-end watch parts: Borel, Breitling, Jaeger, etc. It’s a bit much.” – Michael O’Sullivan, Washington Post

Armchair Analysis: If society really worked like this – we all stop aging at 25, at which point time becomes a currency based on hard work – you’d find me dead in a strip club at 25 years and 3 days old. That said, the trailer intrigued me enough to make me consider seeing it, but that O’Sullivan review excerpt has me thinking I should Swatch something else. [Laremy also discusses it on this week’s Frotcast -Ed.]

*slaps DangerGuerrero on the ass*

The Rum Diary

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 51% critics, 71% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“Viewers coming to ‘The Rum Diary’ with visions of Jack Sparrow cavorting in their heads may find less to value, although Thompson’s tale of lust, larceny and derring-do in 1960s Puerto Rico bursts with piratical brio – not to mention several bottles of the eponymous elixir (yo-ho-ho doesn’t even begin to describe it).” – Ann Hornaday, Washington Post (*furrows brow, smiles, nods*)

“Still, by the time the truth dawns about ‘The Rum Diary,’ the movie has built up too much audience goodwill for it to become an object of scorn. We just wish it were better. Here and there, fleetingly, it is.” – Mick LaSalle, San Francisco Chronicle and Vince Mancini’s heart

Armchair Analysis: Did I mention Vince reviewed this film already? Because he did. You should read his review and then go see the movie, because he liked it. You know what else he liked? Bucky Larson. He’s seen it twice.

Anonymous

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 43% critics, 75% audience (I’m starting to think these audience numbers are based on 10 people)

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“The movie is essentially an earnest illustration of the cockamamie theory that Shakespeare’s works were ghost written by Edward de Vere, the 17th Earl of Oxford, though the literary scam barely scratches the surface of a muddle of political intrigues, blackmail, incest and murder.” – Liam Lacey, The Globe and Mail

“’Anonymous’ is a thoroughly entertaining load of eye candy with solid performances, even if John Orloff’s exposition-heavy script practically requires a concordance to follow at times.” – Lou Lumenick, New York Post

Armchair Analysis: The idea sounds great. Is Shakespeare a fraud? Who wrote the works that he took credit for? What if it was a huge, modern political cover-up that takes place in the Elizabethan era, featuring an array of famous historical figures? That kind of stuff makes my pants tight. Too bad it’s a Roland Emmerich film. Granted, I do consider 10,000 BC to be the funniest movie I’ve ever seen, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t intend for that to happen.

13

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 10% critics, 42% audience

Gratuitous Review Quotes:

“The original film was an elegant, icy Kafkian fantasy shot in black and white and suffused with fatalistic dread. If the outlines of the American version are pretty much the same, the remake is sweaty, chest-heaving, macho nonsense.” – Stephen Holden, New York Times

“The original used actors little-known here, including the director’s brother in the lead. The high-profile cast here — Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Ray Winstone, 50 Cent, Ray Liotta and Ben Gazzara, who looks ancient and speaks with a strange accent — lack the passion of their predecessors.” – V.A. Musetto, New York Post

Armchair Analysis: Dudes, it’s the Stath. Unless it’s a sequel to Revolver it’s worth seeing.

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