What the hell is Tyrese talking about? Open thread.

Here’s Tyrese waxing philosophical on the subject of independent women (I guess?) during an interview with NecoleBitchie.com, which is apparently a thing. I actually transcribed the whole thing in the hopes that it might make more sense written down, or that someone here could break it down and explain what the hell he’s talking about.

“I want you all to know the difference. Independence in the eyes of a man, is when we say we want an independent woman, we don’t want a woman who’s just trying to hold onto her sexy and nice body, to help her to get through life. You don’t wanna work, you don’t go to college or school, you’re not inspired to do anything on any level, to help further yourself. You just want to be sexy and freeload. Nobody wants that. As a man. And then some woman are so on this independent kick, they’re gonna end up alone. You’re gonna independent your way into loneliness. You go off and buy all the little poodles you want. At least my dog is happy to see me when I get home every day. That dog is never be able to be replaced. Or that rabbit. Will never be able to replace what a real man can do for you. So, stay independent. Get your own, have your own, but nobody wants to be alone. Period. I know there’s a lotta men out here that are playing on both sides of the fence. It’s confusing. There’s a lotta homosexuality going on out here. I get it. There’s a lotta frustration that women have. There’s a lotta man’s mans still left. We’re out here. We’re waiting, we’re wanting, we desire you, just like you desire us. Just don’t give up on us. Stay. That’s why I wrote the song. Give me a shot. Go ahead and download the album.”

So… I should… buy a poodle? As long as it’s not… gay? Because gay poodles refuse to… go to college? Whatever the case, he sure seemed earnest about it! Say what you will about his acting or his singing or his MTV VJing skills, Tyrese is brilliant at seeming really really super earnest. About something. Here’s his earnest face:

I believe the “Philosophizing Male Model” may be a close relative of the “Existential Buffoon” we love so much.