‘You Farted During Boyhood’ Is Our New Favorite Craigslist Missed Connection

This Craigslist Missed Connection post out of Los Angeles combines Richard Linklater’s Boyhood and a well-timed fart, so it might as well be engraved in stone set atop an obelisk in the center of the FilmDrunk wheelhouse. Take this with a grain of salt however, because Boyhood‘s soundtrack included Coldplay and it’s easy to get confused.

You Farted During “Boyhood” – mw4m (Pasadena)

There we were, just enjoying a nice quiet Saturday night at the movies. A slow mover, Linklater’s “Boyhood.” Some popcorn. A few sodas. Nothing really happens in the film, we found. For about 90 minutes or so we stare listlessly at the screen. It’s a thinking man’s film, I say. Beautifully shot. It’s about life, and death and relationships and things of that nature. Just then, at a brief, carefully-timed cinematic pause in dialogue, an enormous fart from somewhere in the back pierces an otherwise silent movie theatre. It had the impact of a baseball bat hitting a leather couch, or George Foreman working the heavy bag. Whack. Loud, deep and masculine.The seat cushion heroically absorbed most of the blow, but not enough that each and every person in the movie theatre instantly burst into nervous laughter. The laughter continued for what felt like a good 5 minutes, until tears streamed down our faces. Even well after the blast, we quietly chuckled to ourselves with a ‘remember the time that guy farted in the movie theatre’ gleam in our eyes. And just like that, with a soft chuckle and a deep breath, we were back into the film. Things happened, people drove around Texas, relationships came and went, there was crying, there was hope. It was as if we had all forgotten about the fart that had brought us together that night. As the sun began to set on screen, the teenage boy, no longer a boy, transitions into an adult, before our very eyes, and looks, intently, lustfully into a young girls eyes, as if to lean in for a kiss, and braaaaaaap. Another fart from the back row, like two giant hands clapping together, and the screen goes dark, roll credits. We decided, after laughing our way out of the theatre, and all the way home, that this was the best movie that we had ever seen. I imagine the lone fartist sauntering off into the sunset. His work here done.
If only I could say thank you, kind sir. You are truly a master of your craft.

Pee yew! Get a stall, Richard Stinklater!

My buddy Joe once told me a story about how he went home with this girl, and they were hooking up and he got up to use the bathroom. When he came out she told him she was a size queen, and that she could tell by the sound of his stream hitting the toilet that he wasn’t sufficiently hung and she kicked him out. I always thought that was delightfully bizarre, and between that and the description of the “deep and masculine fart” here, I really like the idea that someone could fall in love based on the sound of a fart. “Please, anyone, have you heard this fart? It was a deep, loud thwack, with an intoxicating resonance. Have you heard it? I must find him.”

It’s true though, some farts do sound impressive. Heroic, even. I was standing in a bathroom the other day and watched an elderly Asian man enter a stall. He proceeded to cut a fart so brassy and bellicose that I considered applauding.