Morton Salt is once again away on “vacation,” as this time he’s out hunting the Sharknado. I tried to tell him that it isn’t real and was just another really awful SyFy movie, but he won’t listen or rest until he’s stopped it and saved all mankind from whirling hammerhead winds. What can I say, he’s a hero.
Anyway, we’ve got a pretty decent week for DVD and Blu Ray with the following titles new on the shelves of your local Blockbuster stores:
Bullet to the Head
And here are some streaming titles to consider:
The Expendables 2
Atlas Shrugged II
I recommend 42 if you haven’t seen it already, as it was probably the best of any Jackie Robinson film made to this point. Otherwise, Bullet to the Head was delightfully stupid, as my love affair with Sylvester Stallone’s 80s action nostalgia continues in stride with his Fountain of Youth HGH use. Um, allegedly or whatever. [Vince’s Note: I don’t think you need to say “allegedly” at this point, he pretty much admits it. To his credit.]
In the much anticipated remake of the 1981 cult-hit horror film, five twenty-something friends become holed up in a remote cabin. When they discover a Book of the Dead, they unwittingly summon up dormant demons living in the nearby woods, which possess the youngsters in succession until only one is left intact to fight for survival.
Should You Watch It? I normally hate horror remakes, because the process is just incredibly boring and unoriginal, but they did a pretty great job with this one. I’d still have preferred a new idea, villain and all-around scare, but this wasn’t bad.
Bullet to the Head
Based on a graphic novel, Bullet to the Head tells the story of a New Orleans hitman (Stallone) and a DC cop (Kang) who form an alliance to bring down the killers of their respective partners.
Should You Watch It? Again, it wasn’t Citizen Kane, but it’s good for laughs and really stupid violence.
Hero is a word we hear often in sports, but heroism is not always about achievements on the field of play. “42” tells the story of two men-the great Jackie Robinson and legendary Brooklyn Dodgers GM Branch Rickey-whose brave stand against prejudice forever changed the world by changing the game of baseball. In 1946, Branch Rickey (Harrison Ford) put himself at the forefront of history when he signed Jackie Robinson (Chadwick Boseman) to the team, breaking Major League Baseball’s infamous color line. But the deal also put both Robinson and Rickey in the firing line of the public, the press and even other players. Facing unabashed racism from every side, Robinson was forced to demonstrate tremendous courage and restraint by not reacting in kind, knowing that any incident could destroy his and Rickey’s hopes. Instead, Number 42 let his talent on the field do the talking-ultimately winning over fans and his teammates, silencing his critics, and paving the way for others to follow.
Should You Watch It? It still has the same, old sports movie hokeyness that can make me roll my eyes into the depths of my skull, but 42 was beautifully made and definitely raises the goose bumps.
When ex-CIA agent Ben Logan (Aaron Eckhart) discovers that he and his daughter have been marked for termination as part of a wide-reaching international conspiracy, a dangerous game of cat-and-mouse ensues as Logan tries to outsmart his hunters and uncover the truth.
Should You Watch It? Yes, but only if you watch Eraser first and pretend like Erased is a sequel. It will confuse you long enough to forget about how horribly unoriginal this plot is.
Captain Solomon Kane is a brutally efficient 16th Century killing machine. Armed with his signature pistols, cutlass and rapier, he and his men unleash their bloodlust as they fight for England in war after war on all continents. As the story opens, Kane and his band of pillagers are carving a bloody path through hordes of defenders in an exotic city in northern Africa. But, when Kane decides to attack a mysterious nearby castle to plunder its rumored riches, his mission takes a fateful turn. One by one, Kane’s men are picked off by demonic creatures until he alone is left to face the Devil’s own Reaper — dispatched from the depths of Hell to lay claim to his hopelessly corrupt soul. Though Kane at last manages to escape, he knows that he now must redeem himself by renouncing violence and devoting himself wholly to a life of peace and purity.
Should You Watch It? It’s up to you. I wanted to see this when I first heard about it last year, but then as I tried to watch The Following on Fox, my appreciation for James Purefoy just vanished.
High-school freshman, Nick (The Twilight Saga’s Booboo Stewart), is a neglected teen with mild Asperger’s syndrome whose life is challenged and ultimately changed forever when tragedy hits his family. WHITE FROG is a universal story of the power of family, friendship, and love positioned to appeal to a broad audience in the same way as ORDINARY PEOPLE and STAND BY ME.
Should You Watch It? I mean, it has Booboo Stewart in the kind of role that most studios would push for Oscar bait. Why wouldn’t you watch it? Oh, because it has Booboo Stewart.
And OH MY GOD, that tattoo. Hooooooooooooooooooooooly crap. “Check it out, bros, I’m gonna be an actor so I got this tat to show how serious I am.” Haha, okay, let me know when my coffee is ready.
The Expendables 2
The Expendables are back and this time it’s personal… Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone), Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Yin Yang (Jet Li), Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren),Toll Road (Randy Couture) and Hale Caesar (Terry Crews) — with newest members Billy the Kid (Liam Hemsworth) and Maggie (Yu Nan) aboard — are reunited when Mr. Church (Bruce Willis) enlists the Expendables to take on a seemingly simple job. The task looks like an easy paycheck for Barney and his band of old-school mercenaries. But when things go wrong and one of their own is viciously killed, the Expendables are compelled to seek revenge in hostile territory where the odds are stacked against them.
Should You Watch It? As if you even need to ask me this question.
Pressured by his deceased mother’s ghost to return home to the family he abandoned, a former addict grabs a bag of pills and a sack of marijuana and hits the road to Shreveport.
Should You Watch It? Sure, but only to encourage me to finish working on my upcoming book, “Hey, What the F*ck Happened to Ryan Phillippe?
Atlas Shrugged II
The global economy is on the brink of collapse. Unemployment has risen to 24%. Gas is now $42 per gallon. Brilliant creators, from artists to industrialists, continue to mysteriously disappear at the hands of the unknown. Dagny Taggart, Vice President in Charge of Operations for Taggart Transcontinental, has discovered what may very well be the answer to a mounting energy crisis – found abandoned amongst the ruins of a once productive factory, a revolutionary motor that could seemingly power the World. But, the motor is dead… there is no one left to decipher its secret… and, someone is watching. It’s a race against the clock to find the inventor before the motor of the World is stopped for good. Who is John Galt?
Should You Watch It? I have no opinion on this film. That’s my very nice way of saying that I don’t want to hear political discussions about it.
One step can change a life forever in The Ledge, a sexy and suspenseful thriller, starring Charlie Hunnam, Liv Tyler, Patrick Wilson and Terrence Howard. After embarking on a passionate affair with his evangelical neighbor’s wife (Tyler), Gavin (Sons of Anarchy’s Hunnam) soon finds himself in a battle of wills that will have life or death consequences. As a nonbeliever, Gavin is lured by her lover’s husband (Insidious’s Wilson) to the ledge of a high rise and told he has one hour to make a choice between his life or the one he loves. Without faith in an afterlife, will he be able to make a decision? It’s up to police officer Hollis (Howard) to save both their lives, but the clock is ticking in this edge-of-your-seat film that will leave you gasping until the final frame.
Should You Watch It? Jax Teller and FilmDrunk’s scatman numero uno Terrance Howard? Oh I can dig this, friends. I can dig this.