Your Mid-Week Guide To DVD And Streaming: George Lucas To Harry Potter: "This Means War"

Strap yourselves in, we’ve got another heavy week for new DVDs. This week there’s the Tuskegee Airmen, Tom Hardy, Daniel Radcliffe, a senseless film, nobody’s favorite stand-up, Boy George, Iron Man’s dad, two sides of the Japanese cinema coin, a better version of Battleship, a threesome, a surprising lack of vampires and werewolves, and the worst looking DVD I have ever seen.

The DVDs:
Red Tails
This Means War
The Woman In Black
Perfect Sense
Newlyweds
Footsteps
95 Miles To Go
United
Worried About The Boy
Up All Night With Robert Downey Sr.
The Secret World Of Arrietty
Mutant Girls Squad
Metal Tornado
American Warships
Beyond
Black Cobra
The Kane Files
Uncle Kent
An Unholy Exorcism: The Devil Inside
Evil Dead Inbred Rednecks

Fly on over to the next page and find out which films you’ll want to watch.  Click here for some Netflix picks that will really put some hair on your balls.
Red Tails

If you’ve read literally anything on this site about this movie, you’ll recall that Vince faithfully and repeatedly points out that this is essentially a remake of The Tuskegee Airmen (and an inferior remake, per Vince’s review). To be honest, that doesn’t bother me.  With The Amazing Spider-Man rebooting the franchise only 10 years after the original film, the 17 year gap between The Tuskegee Airmen and Red Tails seems almost generous by today’s standards. What does bother me is that seemingly all of the promotion for this film consisted of George Lucas interviews. Nothing says sincerity like a fat, white, billionaire implying that you are a racist unless you line his pockets by buying a ticket to a movie he neither wrote nor directed, but for which he still gets most of the profits.  At least with the 3-D Star Wars movies nobody’s playing coy.


This Means War

McG directs while Chris Pine, Tom Hardy, and Reese Witherspoon star in this romantic comedy/action flick that disappointed critics and audiences alike. If you look back through the surprisingly thorough FilmDrunk coverage of this film you can see that the warning signs were in place all along: The script has been around for close to 15 years, and the cast kept getting (and losing) leading men such as Bradley Cooper and Seth Rogen. Of course the biggest warning sign is that it was helmed by McG.  Anyone whose professional name is only three letters long had better not be put in charge of a multi-million dollar production, especially if that guy is a middle-aged fat white dude.  McG is what you’d get if Brett Ratner and Guy Fieri had a baby.


The Woman In Black

If I were Daniel Radcliffe I wouldn’t even bother trying. I would pull a Jackie Earle Haley and disappear for a long while, live well off of the Harry Potter monies, and maybe show up as a character actor in some small movies once I’m middle-aged. If that led to a nice career resurgence, so be it.  If not, oh well. But, that’s just me.  Instead, Radcliffe chose this by-the-numbers ghost story as his follow-up to the Harry Potter series. He seems like he’s really trying, too. It’s like he wants to be seen as a proper actor and not the kid who could hit his mark and basically won the lottery as a result.  Good for him, I guess.  Nothing says “I’m not Harry Potter” like running around gothic movie sets with ghosts while wearing an ascot.


Perfect Sense

Ewan McGregor and Eva Green star in this film about a chef and a scientist falling in love in the midst of an epidemic robbing people of their sensory perceptions. I can’t imagine why this didn’t get more promotion, the ad campaign almost writes itself: It was love at first sight…and last sniff. To be fair, I don’t mind Ewan McGregor as long as he’s not attempting to play an American (his accent needs a lot of work) and Eva Green has enchanted me since The Dreamers, so I might watch this.  Of course, to be fairer, I would probably just re-watch The Dreamers before I would choose this.  This is only rated R for ‘language and some sexuality/nudity’. The Dreamers is NC-17 for ‘explicit sexual content’, which means an almost constantly topless Eva Green, as well as a surprisingly close-up shot of her lady area.  I mean her vagina, if I was being too vague.


Newlyweds

Beginning with the indie hit The Brothers McMullen, Edward Burns has directed 12 films, and I haven’t seen a single one of them.  This, his latest, won’t be ending that streak.  If your movie’s about an East Coast Irish guy, he’d better be a criminal or an alcoholic or I’m not interested.  I like realism, I guess.  As for this movie, it’s about how when you get married, you end up marrying more than just the person who wears your ring.  You get their siblings, their exes, their parents, etc. This could make for a decent movie, but this isn’t it. It looks like every other film Burns has made (said the guy who hasn’t seen any of them).  If I were making this movie, I’d base it on my real life.  It would be about a guy who has too many siblings (I have six) and too little aspirations, so he marries an only-child (from a reasonably well-off family) with a relatively high-paying job, and moves 1000 miles away from his own dud family.  She goes to work every day, freeing him to sit at home and write dick jokes for a movie blog.  A ‘job’ he does only once a week. I’m livin’ the dream, mother*ckers, I’m livin’ the dream.


Footsteps

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