Seattle Seahawks lineman Cassius Marsh, a nerd, of the was the victim of a crime this week. Did someone break into his home and take his TV? Was he beaten by three men who wanted his money?
No. Someone stole this dork’s collection of Magic: The Gathering cards, which were being stored in a car, for some reason. That’s right. The 24-year-old college-educated man was devastated when someone broke into his alleged girlfriend’s car and stole something that was designed with a 13-year-old in mind.
Even better, after someone stole the nerd’s Magic cards, he did the classic dweeb-o thing on Twitter.
Who ever stole my magic collection from my LR4 last night, if you are 12 plz return it and I will give you two tickets to next home game.
— Cassius Marsh Sr. (@KingCash_7191) November 9, 2016
All you 12s do me a huge favor and retweet my last tweet. Other than god family and football, my magic card collection is everything
— Cassius Marsh Sr. (@KingCash_7191) November 9, 2016
Nothing says justice like offering thieves a reward for returning something that doesn’t belong to them. That’ll teach them! Bad news if you’re a friend of this guy or dating him — it goes God, Family, Football, then a card game for children. And apparently he values the cards so much he stores them in unlocked cars. It’s quite the situation.
The backpack that they were in was stolen outside of Ashton manor while my girlfriend was inside with her friends. So Seattle area
— Cassius Marsh Sr. (@KingCash_7191) November 9, 2016
He trusts her enough to keep his precious toys in her car but doesn’t like her enough to put her above the cards. This definitely ends in a tense exchange where he has to dump her to get the cards back and he totally dumps her, then cradles the cards on the floor of his bedroom that has Magic: The Gathering posters on his walls.
Legacy Elve
Legacy Goblin
Modern Affinity
Standard W/R Vehicles
Modern U/R Walkers
Modern Abzan Company
Modern Jund
Modern UW Planes Control— Cassius Marsh Sr. (@KingCash_7191) November 10, 2016
Those are the decks that were stolen
— Cassius Marsh Sr. (@KingCash_7191) November 10, 2016
Such a nerd. Maybe grow up, huh? Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to arrange my Star Wars action figures to accurately recreate the battle on the Hoth Planet. Like an adult.