Hunting Silver Carp, Wolverine-Style

Entertainment Editor

Silver Carp (AKA “The A-holes of the sea”) are a pesky fish which are not indigenous to the Illinois River but have nonetheless invaded, setting up their annoying fish trailers and reproducing out of control and holding guppy fights on their front lawns next to the little plastic scuba diver they’ve put up on blocks.  If Silver Carp had hair, they’d style it into super mullets.  F**k Silver Carp, for real.

These fish also jump out of the water and are attracted to the sound of motors, which leads to hilarious things like them beaching themselves by the dozens, jumping into boats, or whacking boaters in the face.  Since they grow to be 20 to 35 pounds, some boaters aren’t happy about the whole “getting smacked in the face by a 35 pound object while travelling at 15 knots” thing, strangely enough.  People living along the Illinois River have been trying to prevent the fish from invading Lake Michigan and screwing up the ecosystem with their a-hole ways.  Hunting these jumping fish with a crossbow has become a popular (and hilarious) sport.

A bowfishing guide service out of Peoria, Illinois, has come up with a badass way to fight the menacing fish that involves armor, water skis, and samurai swords. The key is to this non-conventional angling method is to keep your balance on water skis and hold the tow-line with one hand while using a free arm to slice and dice the fish with the sword. [Brobible]

Yeah, the samurai sword is okay, but he doesn’t do much damage until he breaks out the awesome Wolverine claws.  Snikt!

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