The Leaked Plot For ‘Jurassic World’ Is Gleefully Insane

Nobody will ever accuse the Jurassic Park franchise of subtlety. It is about dinosaurs snacking on people, after all. But the supposedly leaked synopsis to Jurassic World promises to be hilariously bonkers.

As always, keep a salt shaker handy. But, here’s what JoBlo claims is the plot that’s been confirmed to them:

They splice together a T-Rex, raptor, snake, and cuttlefish to create a monstrous new dino that, of course, gets loose and terrorizes the park. …some of the Dinos are “good guys” that are trained by Chris Pratt’s character. The big bad dinosaur has instant camouflage abilities, like the cuttlefish, so he blends into the background, is smart like the velociraptor, uses his jaw like a snake, and can terrorize like the T-Rex.

Did we mention this nutty superdino exists because executives at the highly successful park where you can pet dinosaurs decided that maybe the public would get sick of dinosaurs, so they had to make abominations in order to keep the rubes entertained?

In other words, they’re ending any pretense that this isn’t a series of giant monster movies and just straight up making a bonkers giant monster movie. The only thing that makes us skeptical about this, beyond the fact that it’s insane, is the idea that Chris Pratt has squads of dinosaurs at his command. We don’t think cinemas can quite contain the sheer sexual charisma his perfect abs and the ability to ride a dinosaur to work would generate.