Louisiana Schools Getting Public Funding Claim The Loch Ness Monster Is Real And Proves Creationism

Did you know that the totally proven* existence of the Loch Ness Monster Dinosaur means creationism is true and evolution is fake forever? It’s true! Or at least that’s the argument made by some textbooks (such as Biology 1099) in the Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) curriculum. And thanks to a publicly-funded school voucher system enacted in Louisiana, public funds will soon be going to non-public schools using ACE textbooks. The reason is simple:

One ACE textbook – Biology 1099, Accelerated Christian Education Inc – reads: “Are dinosaurs alive today? Scientists are becoming more convinced of their existence. Have you heard of the ‘Loch Ness Monster’ in Scotland? ‘Nessie’ for short has been recorded on sonar from a small submarine, described by eyewitnesses, and photographed by others. Nessie appears to be a plesiosaur.” Another claim taught is that a Japanese whaling boat once caught a dinosaur. It’s unclear if the movie Godzilla was the inspiration for this lesson. [HeraldScotland]

Yes. A nebulous, unidentified blip on sonar, drunken anecdotes, and hoax photos are scientific evidence now, as opposed to all that “scientific” “evidence” of “evolution”, more like devil-lution right? Pfft, evolution, whatever.

I have to be sarcastic about this. It’s a defense mechanism. I was unfortunately sent to an evangelical Christian high school which used the ACE curriculum. I’d like to say that their claim that Nessie is real and “disproves” evolution is a surprising oversight of one or two fringe textbooks no classrooms actually use, but I can’t say it. Because that crazy sh-t is exactly what I expect from ACE textbooks. I’m only surprised that they didn’t work in a claim that anyone who doesn’t believe in Nessie is part of the homosexual agenda. Maybe they’ll get to that on the next edition.

The fact that taxpayer money is going to support this ignorance and educational neglect of children is just a new layer of WTF on this “are you f–kin’ kidding me” sandwich.

And according to Scaramanga, these biology books were still in print as of last month. […] For more on the depressingly zany A.C.E. curriculum, see this recent piece on Salon. [io9]

I wonder how much these textbooks cost . . .

Damn you, Loch Ness Monster, I don’t have no three fifty!

Oh yeah, one more thing. Plesiosaurs aren’t even dinosaurs.

[Sources: HeraldScotland, io9, SofaPizza, #realtalk from your editor, KnowYourMeme]

* For really real you guys. I saw it on the History Channel.