First Footage From Total Recall Needs More Kate Beckinsale

Len Wiseman and Columbia Pictures have been keeping their Total Recall remake well-shielded from our view. So far we’ve only seen a few set photos and videos from the movie which opens August 3, 2012 and isn’t set on Mars this time. But now we have a Taiwanese 30-second promo for the film which doesn’t show much, but, hey, it’s an excuse to post pictures of Colin Farrell and Kate Beckinsale. Now if we could just work in some keywords like NUDE and JELLO WRESTLING and PINTEREST and LADY GAGA we’ll be rolling in those Google search blogger dollars. (Disclaimer: bloggah dollahs can only be spent at Chuck E. Cheese’s, but that’s okay ’cause I love balls . . . I mean, ball pits. Yeah.)

So here’s the synopsis, which is probably a bit of a spoiler I guess:

Welcome to Rekall, the company that can turn your dreams into real memories. For a factory worker named Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell), even though he’s got a beautiful wife (Kate Beckinsale) who he loves, the mind-trip sounds like the perfect vacation from his frustrating life – real memories of life as a super-spy might be just what he needs. But when the procedure goes horribly wrong, Quaid becomes a hunted man. Finding himself on the run from the police – controlled by Chancellor Cohaagen (Bryan Cranston), the leader of the free world – Quaid teams up with a rebel fighter (Jessica Biel) to find the head of the underground resistance (Bill Nighy) and stop Cohaagen. The line between fantasy and reality gets blurred and the fate of his world hangs in the balance as Quaid discovers his true identity, his true love, and his true fate. [CBM]

I scrolled through that and didn’t see a single mention of a THREE-BOOBED HOOKER or of anybody being NAKED or about CHRIS BROWN BEING SHOT INTO THE SUN. For shame, Total Recall synopsis. Try harder next time.

And since you’ve scrolled this far . . .