10 hilarious tweets from Andy Richter

08.27.13 6 years ago 2 Comments

Andy Richter is so much more than just the other guy to Conan O’Brien’s other guy. I, for one, am still lamenting the cancellation of the too-short-lived “Andy Barker, P.I.,” so if anyone wants to start a club where we just hang out and talk about that, please let me know.

Tweeting as @AndyRichter, which appears to be a pseudonym, the comedian is a constant delight. Here are 10 of his funniest jokes:

10. You know those Sex Houses, the little wooden houses with the hole for your dick that people hang in trees? Apparently those are for birds.

9. I feel bad for scarf-wearing guys. Their necks get so cold they have to walk around looking all douchey! Even in 80 degree weather!

8. BREAKING NEWS: Green Light Given to New Animated Feature, “Fuck, I Dunno. Maybe Dracula Helps Santa? Might As Well Have Dinosaurs, Too.”

7. When I get down, I think of what my Grandma used to tell me. She’d smile & say “Nobody gives a shit about your stupid problems, fatso.”

6. Saw sign in yoga store: Do One Thing A Day That Scares You. So today I start raping coyotes.

5. Main reason I don’t believe in conspiracies is I have been around humans while they try to perform tasks as a group. Very clunky.

4. Inspired by those who announce they’re unfollowing me, spent evening phoning restaurants to tell them I wouldn’t be dining there tonight.

3. People, Blade Runner is set in 2019! We have so much work to do!

2. My body is a temple, but it’s one of those temples in Thailand where they let monkeys shit all over the place

1. Imagine you know a guy named Gary, & Gary calls his car the Garymobile & insists that you do, too. What I’m saying is Batman is a douche

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