10 hilarious tweets from comedian Kevin Christy

07.15.13 6 years ago

Kevin Christy is very many things. He’s a comedian, an actor, and also an artist — like a paint-and-brushes artist, not a blowhard who refers to his acting as his “art.”

One thing Kevin Christy is not is a blowhard.

Kevin tweets as @kevingchristy, which hopefully means his middle name is “Gloria” or “Gertrude.” Here are 10 of his funniest jokes:

10. Half of Americans to be obese by 2030. The other half to never shut the fuck up about how great they feel after the gym.

9. I’m also for background checks for buying an acoustic guitar.

8. Women are portrayed worse in yogurt commercials than in porn.

7. Dear diary, Wait, when did I buy a diary? Things are worse than I thought.

6. The next time someone says to you “I don’t watch television” say “what’s television?” It’s the checkmate of pretentious lies.

5. Parking tickets are almost impossible to scalp.

4. I have come to expect as much from the government as I do from public restrooms.

3. Whenever I see a hitchhiker, I think they’re giving me the “thumbs up” for being too smart to pick up an obvious murderer.

2. I don’t care what my tattoos will look like when I’m old. If someone wants to see my body at that age, they’ve made the mistake, not me.

1. “I wonder if this asshole is gonna be honest about where he’s going to throw that thing.” – your dog, when you’re holding a ball.

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