Shelby Fero will rule the world one day — give her, like, I don’t know, six months to a year? An accomplished stand-up, a writer for the upcoming “Midnight Show with Pete Holmes,” and a ubiquitous presence when it comes to funny stuff on the Internet, it’s probably worth mentioning that Shelby happens to be only 19-years-old.
19! Do they seriously still make them that young? Just thinking about it is exhausting, which is why I like to drink just a little bit of Shelby’s vibrant, youthful blood every time I’m feeling tired. Anyway, that was creepy, so without further unsettling ado, here are 10 of @shelbyfero‘s funniest tweets.
10. “You give me one leather jacket, I invest it, then give you back TWO leather jackets!” – Fonzi Scheme
9. Internet, you’ve made a compelling argument. Sleep: present your case..
8. “There are no stupid questions.” – someone who’s never watched a movie with my mom
7. Pets are like a snooze button for your ovaries.
6. I’m Morrissey depressed not Van Gogh depressed.
5. Dunno about “gaydar” but I can tell a Zack from a Zach a mile away.
4. Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is bullshit!
3. “So I was on a spaceship, and you were there, but it was not you, you know? Anyways…” – MLK’s less important dream
2. “All dressed up and nowhere to go.” – penguins
1. When your limbs fall asleep that’s death seeing how far he can get without you noticing.