Emergency: Abigail Breslin, the adorable teenaged Oscar nominee from “Little Miss Sunshine” and “August Osage County,” is going for grit on her new pop single “You Suck.” It is… really something. #AbigailYouTried is trending on Twitter. Just watch and listen.
Here are ten observations about this sacred new jam.
1. Get ready for “Kit Kittredge: An American Flop” to meme.
2. If you listen closely, you can actually hear JoJo turning this down.
3. “You really need to learn to wash your hair!” “I hope it all falls out!” “I'd rather date a rock!” Jan Brady wrote this.
4. Oh, Toni Collette, please pick up this child in an old van and whisk her away to learn about life with Alan Arkin.
5. It's good that Abigail's lashing out this way, I think. Child stars can go awry in this department. And I'm not just saying that because Abigail suddenly bears a serious resemblance to teenage Tatum O'Neal.
6. “Your bandmates are hotter than you” is a lyric. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? She is DEFINITELY singing about Mick Fleetwood.
7. Black t-shirt and black makeup and blonde curls. Ugh. You're off to a bad start when you begin your recording career looking like Ashlee Simpson's second album.
8. She wants us to call her Avrilgail. I know it.
9. This was what the aliens tried to warn us about in “Signs.”
10. Sorry, Abigail. This is what a sassy “F.U.” from 2004 should sound like.