13 Perfect Reactions to Halloween by Wednesday Addams

I'm sick of every list of classic movie heroes featuring folks like Atticus Finch, Indiana Jones, James Bond, and Forrest Gump. The real cinematic hero of all time is Wednesday Addams, the black-braided superhero of “The Addams Family” and “Addams Family Values” who owned everyone with deadpan one-liners and legendary apathy.

It's Halloween, which means it's time to summon Wednesday's wisdom as we get through this wretched holiday. Here are 13 perfect Wednesday reactions to 13 unavoidable Halloween predicaments.