5 dumb questions for Danny Zuker

Danny Zuker has won Emmys. How cool is that? Like, any moment of insecurity or self-doubt or even just a bad hair day is instantly eradicated if you get to remember that you’ve won Emmys. Waitress acting rude? Whatever, Emmys. Forget your friend’s wife’s name? Ahem, that’s because it isn’t “Emmy.” Slip on a banana peel? Here is another Emmy, just for that.

Delightful human Danny Zuker currently serves as a writer and exec-producer on the always funny “Modern Family.” And he recently reached American hero status by engaging the world’s wealthiest Cheeto, Donald Trump, in a prolonged Twitter argument — which resulted in The Donald calling Danny both “stupid” and “dumb.” How fitting, then, that Danny would be the latest funny person to answer 5 idiotic questions for Riot.

Danny. Hi. What”s your favorite disease? This is an easy one. Maple Syrup Urine Disease. It’s a condition where your pee takes on the consistency of maple syrup. Someone needs to make a rubber bracelet for it.  

Who would win in a fight, you or you from 10 years ago? Me now because I fight like a 10 year old girl and that involves lots of hair pulling. Me ten years ago had more hair to pull so that gives current me a distinct advantage. And the sad thing is this is a question I’ve asked myself before. Get out of my head.  

Who”s the funniest person you”ve ever met? Steve Levitan and Chris Lloyd who are my bosses on “Modern Family” and who keep me employed and who are great humanitarians and who I would be honored to keep working with if they pick up my contract because they’re both so funny HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

What”s one skill you wish you had? Seriously. I wish I could do a back flip. I have a daughter who’s a gymnast and I watch her do it in competition but I think that if I could do a back flip there’d be no situation where I wouldn’t do a back flip. Standing in line at Whole Foods, going through airport security, funerals… God it would be glorious.  

Invent a product, please: A computer program that could come up with entertaining answers to five questions.