A Brief History of the Justin Bieber Career Rehabilitation (a work in progress)

04.29.15 3 years ago

Today, two unstoppable forces have joined together: Zoolander and Justin Bieber.

While my feelings towards Justin Bieber are very…neutral, at best, I have complete faith that Zoolander 2 is going to be a gigantic success.

Bieber”s future, on the other hand, is yet to be determined. He”s recently begun a “Don”t Hate Me” campaign, launched by his Comedy Central Roast, and this role seems to be a part of the plan. I admit, it IS hard to hate Justin Bieber with a Blue Steel face. After years of acting like a spoiled, hot mess, perhaps The Biebs is on the road to recovery. Now, enjoy as we trace his downward spiral and the plan well underway to pull back and reclaim his career before it skids off the road into the depths of Liloland:


• The trouble begins way back when. Bieber is accused of fathering a child with a fan. The suit is later dropped.

2013The Steady Decline

• A paparazzo chasing Bieber is killed in a car crash. Not Justin”s fault, but undoubtedly upsetting for everyone involved.

• Bieber is hospitalized after fainting backstage in London, is criticized for being late to his show.

• Bieber goes to an airport in Poland without his shirt on, while outside it is -10 degrees Celsius.

• After a museum tour in Amsterdam, he writes that “Anne [Frank] was a great girl, hopefully she would have been a Belieber.”

• Bieber strikes a pedestrian with his car, but officers say no crime was committed.

• Bieber is accused of spitting on fans.


• Sherriff”s department searches Bieber”s home for evidence in a vandalism case.

• Reputation  in freefall after Bieber is arrested in Miami Beach for drag racing under the influence.

• Charged with assault after incident involving Toronto limo driver back in 2012. 

2015 – The Long Climb Back?

• Justin charms audience on Ellen. Shows up with flowers for her birthday.

• Justin allows Comedy Central to Roast him, everyone has a blast.

• High School claims Justin bullied his way into prom. Why he wanted to do this, I have no idea. Although this high school administration was not pleased, tweets from fans suggest that The Biebs made some high schoolers very happy that night. 

• Today Bieber announced that he”ll be joining the cast of Zoolander 2. Personally, I belieb this will be his first real step in winning back the hearts of America.

Poor Biebs. He”s been up, he”s been down, he”s been without a shirt 99% of his life. That cant” be easy. The kid is clearly a brat with behavioral issues, but there”s this part of me that can”t help but think: if he makes Ellen happy, he can”t be that bad.

Is Justin Bieber on his way to pop culture forgiveness and salvation, or will he be breaking our hearts forever, LiLo style? Tell us what you think! 


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